Nic’s fingers move inside me and all the tension that has built up inside me the past week—after she threw me out of her house—starts to release.All the stress of the premiere and keeping this a secret and just basically being Avery Hall in Hollywood right now.
And I know it’s wrong to think like this, but Nic has seen me at my most vulnerable in her office.Perhaps to her standards, I wasn’t very emotionally forthcoming, but to mine, I definitely was.It’s wrong that it’s one of the reasons I’m here—and I can never tell anyone, but luckily, I’m very good at keeping my feelings to myself.Because she was my therapist, she sees me differently and I would be lying if I said that’s not part of the attraction.Part of why her fingers inside me make me much more emotional than I’ve ever been during sex.Her thumb is soft on my nipple.I lean toward her hand and take it in mine.I suck her finger deep inside my mouth.She’s already given me so much but I just want more, more, more.Maybe this is an unwinnable fight, but it’s far from over.Because I can’t get enough of her.
I move my other hand toward my throbbing mess of a clit.My finger grazes hers as I circle it and it’s more than enough for my brain to short-circuit and my body to come so hard, I nearly topple off her.
I’m all out of bravado when I crash onto the bed.And what the fuck?Is that a tear running down my cheek.No way.I’m so not doing that.I’m so not crying in front of Nic—I’ve already become one cliché; I refuse to become another.
Nic gathers me in her arms and holds me close.I bury my face in her hair.God, this woman.What the hell have I gotten myself into?
“Are you okay?”she whispers softly after a few minutes.
“No,” I say, holding onto her.“I really don’t want you to kick me out again.”
“I’m far from ready to kick you out,” Nic says.
My heart leaps in my throat.I push myself closer to her warm, intoxicating body.
She doesn’t kick me out of her bed—or her house—for the rest of the night.But morning always comes and I wake up with a massive pit in my stomach.
Nic’s already awake, looking at me, her glance unreadable.Or maybe my brain’s not working properly after all those orgasms last night.After seeing Nic come for me again and again and—if I’m honest—falling for her a little more with every climax.
“Come to my house next time,” I say, before she can speak.“I have all the toys we need.”After we had some dinner and we came back upstairs, Nic confessed that she wished I’d brought a strap.It was one of the sexiest things anyone has ever said to me.
“Argh,” she groans.“What am I going to do with you?”
She’s far less distant than the previous time we woke up together.I’d better make the most of it.
“Let me fuck you and fuck you and fuck you,” I say.
“You can’t tell Jan about this.That we did it again.”I might have overplayed my hand.Nic is starting to tense up again.I get it.Because she’s the only one who stands to lose something here.“I agreed with her that I wouldn’t see you anymore.”
“Your secret’s safe with me.”
Nic shakes her head.“But it shouldn’t have to be.I can’t ask you to lie to your new therapist.”She rolls onto her back and covers her face with her hands.“I really have lost my mind.”
“It’s okay,” I say, sounding completely inadequate.
“Nothing about this is okay.”She presses her palms against her eyes.Is she crying?
“Oh, Nic.”I bring my hand to her belly.At least she doesn’t swat it away.
With a sigh, she lowers her hands.Her eyes are red rimmed and puffy.“This is an impossible situation.”
I bite my tongue, because this is no longer my fight.And I’m the one who dropped her right in the middle of this impossible situation.
“I want you, but I can’t have you,” she says.“And that’s not even the worst of it.”
“You can have me.”My hand skates down her side and I pull her close.“You already have me.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I do, but… Nic, come on.Isn’t this what life is for?This kind of connection?This once-in-a-lifetime feeling?”
“Only if it’s appropriate.”
“I know this is extremely difficult for you, but, in the end… does it really matter?If we really want to be together?”
“It matters a great deal.”
