“Oh, how I might.”
“Is she allowing it?”He points at my publicist who has had too many meetings with the studio’s PR department.InDeadline for Love, my love interest is a man, and earlier she said that they would prefer if I dressed accordingly.
But I’m feeling defiant tonight.Antsy as well, and a good kind of nervous.But definitely not compliant.
“I don’t really care what she allows, Jaz.”I flash him my brightest smile.“I think I’m old enough to decide what I want to wear.”I know this is part of the game, especially now that I’m in the big league.But five minutes ago, Leslie called to wish me luck and all I could think of as she was blah-blah-blah-ing was her sister.Hence my uncooperative spirit.As I sit for way too long with my eyes closed while someone applies my makeup—the understated look I asked for, ironically, takes a lot of time—Nic pops up in my mind.Stella tells me that I need time, and she may be right, but time has to pass first, and it seems to only be willing to do so at a glacial pace.
Because I can’t get Nic out of my head.I’ve wanted to drive to her house every single day since Sunday.It’s only Thursday, but still.
While Jaz puts together some more options for me to choose from, I check my phone.My heart skips a beat because there’s an email from Nic.I excuse myself from the room so I can read it in private.
It’s the driest message I’ve ever gotten from someone I had a torrid night with.Nic has sent me the details of my next therapy appointment with the replacement therapist she suggests, a woman called Jan Scott.
Maybe Nic is being very careful and doesn’t want to leave an electronic paper trail.I can only suppose that I’m not allowed to tell my new therapist about Nic.But what if that’s the main thing I want to talk about?Surely, that’s a valid question—a question I can only ask Nic.That I can only ask her in person.I don’t want to get Nic in more trouble than she already is but, I’ve been thinking about this for days now and, well, I’m Avery fucking Hall.I have a glam squad in my house.Would anyone in their right mind ever conclude that Nic somehow coerced me into sleeping with her?That she exploited me?The mere thought enrages me.
I read the email again, making sure I haven’t missed anything, and decide I might have to stop by Nic’s house to ask a legitimate question before my appointment with Dr.Scott.I don’t think I have a choice.Suddenly, it’s much easier to pull my lips into a smile.
“You know what, Jaz?”I say as I walk back into the room.“Put me in whatever you like.Just make sure I look my best.”
“That’s easy, darling.”Jaz mirrors my smile.“You’re gorgeous.Who’s your date tonight?”
“That would be me.”Admittedly, this was a lot more fun for my previous movie, when I had Sienna and Stella by my side—and before my career exploded into something akin to a circus.
“The best date ever then.”I like Jaz a lot.Do I need to employ a stylist now that I’m on the A-list?If yes, I’d hire him in a heartbeat.
In the end, he puts me in a golden dress that I would never have picked for myself, but makes me look like exactly what I am tonight: Hollywood’s hottest actress going to her big new movie’s premiere.
I’ve seen the movie several times by now and I’m glad I still like it.The audience seems to as well.The experience is very different from seeing myself in reruns ofEcho Bayon TV.I don’t cringe so much when I look at myself.I do a little when I kiss my male co-star, but he’s sitting right next to me, and he’s a gentle beta male I got along with swimmingly on set.
At the party afterward, a lot of my friends are there, as well as—to my surprise—Ida Burton.Ida’s date is not her wife, Faye Fleming, but her ex-husband Derek.Things are looking up even more.
“Faye’s so annoyed that she couldn’t make it,” Ida says.“She has a really nasty cold.”
“Hence my C-list presence,” Derek jokes.
I don’t know which one of them to smile at more.I’m over the moon with their presence.Ida’s because she’s Ida and Derek because of his connection to Nic.Although I must tread carefully.I have no intention of breaking my promise of secrecy, but I can put some feelers out.
“You must come to dinner,” Ida says.“I’ll have my people contact yours.”
Apart from a glam squad, I should now also have ‘people’, which I don’t.I have an A-list agent and a publicist thrust upon me by the studio.And I used to have a therapist.
“I would love that.”I look into Ida Burton’s iconic face.At an event like this, everyone wants a piece of her, and Ida is whisked away, leaving me alone with Derek.He looks at me in a way that makes me think he knows.I can’t wait to get him alone, but I’m the co-star in this movie and everyone wants a piece of me as well.
“Can we talk?”I ask him before following some bigwig from the studio that I’m not allowed to ignore.
“We sure can, darling.”Derek winks at me and then I’m certain that he knows.
Time passes slowly as I do the part of my job that I like the least but have to do more of now than ever before.Schmoozing.Ironically, I’m pretty good at it but, all the while, I just want to bend Derek’s ear.I’m dying to find out what Nic has told him.
At last, as I wave off everyone who wants to congratulate me, pretending I need the ladies’ room really badly, I find Derek and pull him into the darkest corner of the room.
“Maybe we shouldn’t talk here.”He glances around skittishly.“I speak from experience when I say the walls have ears in places like this.”
“You’re right.”I can imagine that, with the kind of life he’s had, Derek is not exaggerating.“Can you meet this weekend?Do you want to come to my house?”
“Why don’t you come to ours?Ben would love that.”He leans in closer.“He knows,” he whispers.“We can talk freely.”
“Yeah.”I nod vigorously.
