“Damn it,” Stella says.“I should have taken you up on that invitation.”She narrows her eyes.“I assume you met her at the party?”
“Yeah.”It’s only a half-lie, and this conversation is not about telling the truth.It’s about finding a way to feel better about myself.Because I understand why Nic had to show me the door like that—distant and almost cold—after the amazing night we had.Before Stella arrived, I googled the consequences for therapists who sleep with their clients.But that doesn’t mean I can just forget about it.
“She’s a bit like Kate, then,” Stella says matter-of-factly.“At least you don’t have a brother whose wife you can sleep with.”
The fact that we can actually chuckle at Stella’s situation is hopeful.
“It was a mess, obviously.Everyone got hurt.”Stella goes quiet for a minute.“But, in the end, Kate and I couldn’t stay away from each other.Despite everything… despite her being the very last person I should ever fall for, I did and well… here we are.All these years later.I barely still think about how we got together.Kevin is happy with his new family and, looking back, he and Kate were not made for each other.”She twirls her wine glass in her hands.“But yeah, it was a really difficult situation to be in.We didn’t just hurt Kev.We hurt my mom as well.My family nearly fell apart.We did fall apart for a while.It took a lot for my brother to forgive me.It’s not a situation I would recommend you get yourself into if you can avoid it.”She fixes her gaze on me.“Are there feelings involved?Or was it just a one-night stand?”
Good question.“Feelings… I don’t know, but the night we had was spectacular.”As much as I need to, and she might want me to, I will never forget Nic’s hands on me, her tongue on my clit, her fingers inside me—nor what it felt like to tie her up like that.“I haven’t had a night like that in, like, forever.”
“Damn, girl.”Stella tilts her head.“That good?”
“It was special.”Fuck, how I want to see her again.But Nic asked me not to fight for her.As a matter of respect no less, which is difficult to ignore.
“But was it special because it wasn’t supposed to happen?Or because of your connection?”
“Impossible to say.A bit of both, I guess.”
“And how married is she?Are they open?Is it an Ida-Derek situation?”
“Extremely married.”
“The marriage is not falling apart?”Stella asks, referring to Kate and Kevin’s marriage when she fell in love with her sister-in-law.Come to think of it, this is beginning to feel like an episode ofEcho Bay.
“It’s more a matter of the marriage not being allowed to fall apart.”
“What does that mean?”Stella knits her eyebrows together.“Is her husband a politician or something?”
I shake my head.I’ve reached the limits of this marriage analogy.
“We can’t be together again.While I understand the situation, I’m finding it hard to comply.”
“Just give it some time,” Stella says.“It just happened.You’re still all aflutter.That’s normal, but… take it from me, time is your friend.Let some of it pass.Your movie’s premiering this week.You’re plenty busy.We have that big interview on Friday.Just do what you usually do and see how you feel in a few weeks’ time.”
“Time didn’t work for you and Kate.”
“It didn’t and thank fuck for that.”Stella grins at me.“I wouldn’t have Silas if it weren’t for Kate.”
“How’s the baby planning going?”
“Oh, it’s going.”
“For real?”
“I talked to my boss, Mimi, and she’s all about family.She was never going to talk me out of it even though she’s the exec ofUnbreak My Heart.And I only have to glance at Silas, and Kate with Silas, to know that I would really love to have another kid.”Stella sits there beaming and I can’t really compare my current situation with the one she was in with Kate when they got together, yet there are some similarities that can’t be ignored.And look at her now.She and Kate are so happy together, it’s obnoxious at times.
But Kate is not Nic.Kate wasn’t Stella’s therapist.Although she certainly broke a bunch of unspoken rules—and her marriage vows—she doesn’t have to report to an ethics board that can take away her license to practice.The frustrating truth is that none of this is up to me.And the only option I have, really, is to take Stella’s advice.To let some time pass.And go see my new therapist.
Chapter16
Nic
I pace through my living room.
“Jesus, Nic.Can you please sit down?You’re making me nervous.”I’ve summoned Derek for emergency emotional support.
“I fucked up so badly.”
