“Avery.”I might have been weak before, but I must be strong now—for her.“You are an amazing woman.Yesterday, at the party, I saw you with the world at your feet.I realize not every part of that is easy, but you have so much going for you.You’re smart, and funny, and so talented.Hollywood’s already falling for you.Just forget about me.Move on.It was just one night.Just a tiny blip in whatever magnificence the future has in store for you.”Oh, Jesus.Crying would be the worst thing I could do right now.So I don’t.I can at least do myself that favor.
“Forget about you?”Her eyebrows arch all the way up, as though I’ve just asked her to forget the most precious thing in her life.“I’m not sure I can do that.”
“What if I ask you to?For my sake?”
She shakes her head.“It’s not as if I’m in love with you or anything, but… last night was something.”
I nod so she at least knows I agree with that.I can’t invalidate what we felt.
“Looks like I have no choice.”She straightens her shoulders.Then she does bridge the distance between us.“Let me know if, for some reason, you can or want to change your mind.”She brings her lips to my ear like she did last night, when she said she was going to make me come hard, and says, “Please, don’t forget what an amazing woman you are, Nic.”She kisses me gently on the cheek.“Goodbye, then.”
She exits the kitchen and as soon as I hear the front door click shut, I let myself fall apart.For the callous mistake I made but, even more so, for the woman I, for one night only, allowed myself to be.The Nic I was before Lois died.
Chapter15
Avery
Even though she was only my passenger for a short fifteen minutes, my car feels empty without Nic in it.Poor Nic.I should have done some research before I put the moves on her but, to be honest, I don’t feel like I did all that much.I shouldn’t have offered to drive her home, perhaps.Because, of course, it was more than a courtesy.But never in a million years had I expected her to invite me in.I thought she might reprimand me for my forward behavior at our next session, but now there will no longer be a next session.There’s nothing.Except the memory of last night.
Inherently exploitative.For crying out fucking loud.Who makes this shit up?As if I’m some defenseless creature that needs protection from my shrink.Worst of all, I can’t tell anyone about this—not if I have Nic’s best interests at heart.
I still need to talk to someone, though.I know exactly who.I call Stella and ask when we can speak in private.Stella knows exactly what it’s like to sleep with the one person you shouldn’t—and then marry her and have kids with her.
“How was the big Hollywood party I wasn’t invited to?”Stella asks as I pour her a glass of wine.
“I did ask if you wanted to be my plus-one.”If only Stella had gone with me.
“Sunday afternoon is family time,” is all she says.“So?How was it?”
“Interesting.”
Stella examines my face.“What does that mean?Did you allow someone to flirt with you?Or did you actually flirt back?”
“Ida Burton was quite into me,” I say with a lot more glee in my voice than I feel.
“Did you set up a threesome with her and Faye?”Stella chuckles.
“I met Ida’s gay ex-husband as well.”
“Derek?”Stella says.“Christ.Even after all this time people still refer to him as Ida’s ex.”
“He was very sweet, and so was his husband.”
We shoot the breeze for a bit.I tell her who I met at the party.I let her finish her glass of wine, then pour her another, before asking my question.
“After that first night with Kate… What did you do?”
“Whoa.”Stella nearly chokes on the sip she just took.“Where is this coming from?”
I huff out some air.“I’m sorry for being so blunt, but… I slept with someone I shouldn’t have slept with.”I hold up my hands.“I can’t tell you who.I know you’re probably dying to know, but I promised her secrecy and I don’t want to break my promise, but… I’m going a little nuts over here.”
“Why does it have to be a secret?”
“This is Hollywood,” I say.“It’s full of secrets.”
“Is she married?”Stella nods.“To a man?”
“For argument’s sake, let’s say she is.”
