“I can’t see you as a client anymore.That has become impossible.”
“That makes me sad, but I understand.”She puts her cup down and grins at me.“The way I see it, I got something far better than therapy.”
“I will make arrangements for you to see a colleague.I’m not leaving you in the lurch.”What a mess.I have someone in mind, but I will have to come clean to them.I will have to tell them why I can no longer counsel Avery myself.
“Fine,” Avery says.She has averted her gaze and is staring into her coffee cup.
“I’m really sorry.”I have to say it.
“Don’t be sorry.”When she looks up, her eyes are a bit misty.“Not for that.”She narrows her eyes.“For the record, I know that you probably think that what happened is all your responsibility, but I don’t see it that way.I fully consented, so don’t give me any bullshit about me not being able to consent, because I won’t accept that.I wanted you so much, and I enjoyed the fucking hell out of our night together.”
“Thank you for saying that,” I hear myself say but it’s as though my voice doesn’t belong to me.But this is the only way for me to do this, with the most emotional distance between us I can muster—because I enjoyed the fucking hell out of last night as well.
“Can I see you?As a… friend?”Avery’s voice is brittle, as though she already knows the answer to that question.
“No,” I say on a sigh.“That’s not possible.”
“What does this mean for you?”Her tone is different—soft and caring.“Professionally, I mean?”
I take a deep breath.“Sleeping with a client is automatically considered as inherently exploitative, no matter your consent.It’s a very serious ethics violation.If I report myself, I will most likely lose my license.Or, worst-case, I could go to jail.”
“Nic, you’re not going to jail for sleeping with me.”Avery extends her hand.
I look at it, but I can’t take it.
“Please, take my hand.One last time,” Avery whispers.
“I can’t.I’m sorry.”
“What can I do to make this less of a problem for you?Do I make a statement?Talk to someone?”
“Avery, this is not your problem.This is my problem.One I created all by myself because I should have known better.”
“It is my problem if I want to see you again.”She slides off the chair she’s been sitting on.“I haven’t felt like this with anyone… If I have, I don’t remember, and I figure that I would if it had been as special as last night.”
“The rules are that I can’t see you socially for two years,” I mutter, instead of what I really want to say, which is ‘very much likewise’.
“What?”Avery shakes her head in disbelief.“No.That’s not going to happen.”
“It’s exactly what’s going to happen.”If I have any professional pride left, I won’t let it happen.
“Is it an option not to report yourself?”Avery asks.
“Not one I could live with.”
“Is it legally required?”
“It’s ethically required.”
“What if I want to fight for you?”Avery takes a step toward me but doesn’t bridge all of the distance between us.
“There’s nothing to fight for.”Instinctively, I take a step back.“And I would ask you not to do that.Out of respect for me.”
“Fuck.”Her shoulders sag.“So you’re asking me to forget about last night?”
“I guess so.”To forget would be impossible, but repeating it is absolutely out of the question.The best way to ensure that is to never see Avery again.
“So you’re going to lose your license and we don’t get to see each other anymore?”Her voice reflects the slump in her posture.“What a fucking lose-lose situation.”
