“Yes,” he said. “It is.”
“I’ve disappointed you.”
“Mm.”
“That’s the worst. Or maybe it’s that I’ve hurt you. I didn’t think it through to this end. I wish I had. I had it in my mind that what I was doing was motivated by Paul’s behavior yesterday, but I’m realizing that was only part of it—the childish part. I could have found some other manner to get at him or, better yet, not done anything at all. What I did was the worst possible way of retaliating, and what I said about you needing me, that wasn’t true. I know you don’t. I was trying to justify what I did.”
Sullivan said nothing for a time, letting her sit with the silence while he mulled over her confession. “Look, Ramsey, what I’m going to say will make the hair at the back of your neck stand at attention, but here goes: I’ve been thinking that maybe I do need you.”
The light in the cab flickered as Ramsey jerked and her elbow slipped out of the opening between the door and the frame. She straightened and reinserted her elbow.
“Close the door, will you?” he said. “I can turn on the light. Unless you’re feeling the need to make a quick escape.”
She was, but then again, she wanted to hear what he had to say. She pulled the door shut.
Sullivan pressed the light panel. “You okay?”
Ramsey nodded, then added, “But don’t lock the doors.”
He managed a small smile because he knew she was serious. “Do I need to say it again?”
“Would you? I think that would be for the best, you know, just in case I didn’t get it.”
“I’ve been thinking that maybe I do need you.”
Ramsey’s eyebrows lifted. “I guess I did get it,” she said, her voice hardly more than a whisper.
“To be clear,” he said, “I’m not talking about my job. That’s for later, if you decide to take the chief up on his suggestion and go to the academy.”
“I’m clear.”
“So, this thing about needing you, it’s—”
She stopped him with a raised finger. “Maybeneeding me. You qualified it.”
“You’re right. I did. I’m trying to sort it out, and what you did with the paint cans threw me, but not so much that I’m ready to chuck this in, whateverthisis.”
“Thisis good. It was better until I screwed it up, but it’s still good. And I was thinking that maybe I want to be needed.” She added quickly, “Not on the job, though I suppose that could happen someday. I mean needed like this. You and me. It wouldn’t be the worst thing if I were important in your life.” Ramsey bit down on her lower lip, released it. “You are in mine.”
Sullivan’s cheeks puffed as he blew out a breath. “Took us a while to get there, didn’t it?”
She nodded shortly and cast her eyes at her folded hands. “Iamsorry I disappointed you.”
“Ramsey. Look at me.”
She did because she thought he deserved at least that much. “I can’t even promise that I won’t do it again.”
“Hey. Enough with the self-flagellation. It’s done. I’m almost over it.”
She smiled a little jerkily. “Wow. You really don’t know how to hold a grudge.”
Sullivan chuckled. “I bet you could teach me.”
“Not a chance.”
Sullivan unfolded his fist and regarded the crumpled paper for a long moment before he stuffed it in his jacket pocket. “I’ll look it over tomorrow at the station. I can’t thank you for it.”
“I understand.”
