“Yes,” she whispered hoarsely.
“I didn’t hear you, Alex. Was that yes? To which question?”
“Yes,” she repeated louder. “Yes. To all of them.” She stared at his face, unable to avert her gaze. His disgust was evident and she tried to memorize exactly how he looked at that moment so she would never cause anyone to look at her like that again.
His disgust faded and he seemed to accept her answer. He held out his hand to help her to her feet. She was being harder on herself than he could ever be. His lips parted in surprise when she refused his outstretched hand. She remained motionless on the deck and he dropped his hand to his side.
Alexis spoke quietly, but with a firmness that came from conviction. “Cloud, I want to be the cabin boy now—only that. I hurt you just now—me as well—by playing one part of myself against the other. I was wrong and I can only tell you that it will never happen again. Will you do that for me? Will you be the captain?”
“For how long, Alex?” His tone was almost that of a plea. “How long can either of us keep up the pretense, wanting each other as we do?”
Alexis shook her head. “I don’t know. Perhaps only long enough for me to get out of this room.” She knew he still wanted her and she, him. If she could not leave quickly she might never be able to leave at all. It was hard admitting that she needed his help to do it. She was afraid for the first time since she met him that he might be able to hold her prisoner after all.
Cloud knew she was punishing herself by denying what she wanted most at this moment. She wanted him now, not in spite of what he had done, but rather because he had done it. It was the only reason he granted her request, and even while he did it he knew he would have to pay for letting her go. He walked over to his chair and sat down, sliding his foot in her direction.
“I believe you came for my boots as well as my tray, Danty. You may have them now.” His voice was cool, arrogant.
Alexis stood and walked toward him. She knelt in front of him and removed his boots. Cloud struggled with himself. As he looked down at her lowered head he wanted to tell her to stop, that this was not necessary. He did not want her to do any more penance. Yet he allowed her to continue, knowing she had never done anything so menial in her life and it was more difficult for her than him.
She took the boots and the tray, and started for the door. Cloud went back to his charts. When she reached the door she hesitated, remembering the shirt.
“What is it, Danty?” he asked tightly when he noticed the brief pause in lier step.
“Mr. Landis gave me the trousers I needed but no shirt,” she explained in low tones. “I still have the one I took from your things this morning. May I wear it?”
Cloud stared at the papers before him, but he only saw images of Alexis attired in those clothes. He turned to her and scanned her figure slowly. He knew he was about to pay for having let her go. “You’ll look quite fetching in them, won’t you?”
“Yes,” she answered truthfully. She opened the door before she was unable to.
“You may have the shirt.” He turned away, closing his eyes, and listened for the sound of the barrier shutting between them. How long until she would come to him? He looked at his charts and books, and put them aside, his interest gone.
Alexis went to her cabin and polished Cloud’s boots with a vengeance that yielded a high gloss when she was through. It was settled between them. There would be no more tests. Her goal remained the same: to escape his hold and carry out her promise for revenge. A faint smile crossed her face when she thought of his goal, unchanged except for a brief lapse a short while ago: to stop her.
Alexis placed the boots outside his door, then went for a short walk on deck. She welcomed the cool ocean breeze that whipped at her hair and face, and when she turned in that evening she fell into a peaceful, dreamless slumber.
Chapter 6
The following morning Alexis woke early, rested and ready to perform her duties with a new interest. As long as it was unnecessary to prove anything more to Cloud she felt comfortable in assuming a student role and becoming more knowledgeable in areas where she had little experience.
She washed and dressed quickly, wearing the clothes Landis and Cloud had provided. She brushed out her hair and hastily redid the yellow plait. When she reported to the galley Forrest informed her sourly that the captain had already eaten and gone on deck. She stayed and helped the cook until he complained she was getting in the way. Alexis thanked him and went topside.
Cloud’s first impulse was to look away when Alexis stepped on deck from the hold. He forced himself to keep sea green eyes trained on her lithe and graceful form as she approached him. Her shirt—his shirt, he reminded himself—was open at the neck, revealing the soft hollow of her throat. As wind swept past her it caught the extra material, pressing the linen against her chest so he could make out the rounded outline of her breasts. Her hips swayed gently as she walked. He bit his lip remembering this was the way she always walked, only now the trousers accentuated the easiness of her gait. He looked around at his crew, taking in the obvious pleasure on their faces as they also watched Alexis. It was part of the price he knew, that not only should he be compelled to watch her but that he had to share what he saw with others.
Harry Young, high atop the ship, saw Alexis walk across the deck and he called down to her. Alexis put one hand over her brows to shield her eyes against the bright sun as she tilted her head and bent her body back at the waist to look up at him. Smiling, she raised her other hand to wave.
“Come on!” He called. “I could use you up here!”
Alexis glanced hesitantly at Cloud for a sign of permission. He gave her a short, impersonal nod and she scrambled up the rigging to help Harry.
“She does it pretty well, doesn’t she, Captain?” Landis asked.
Cloud took his eyes from Alexis’s diminishing form and turned to his friend. “Damn well, I’d say. She doesn’t do a bad job on boots either.” He leaned against the taffrail, stretching out his legs, and lifted one foot a few inches off the deck.
Landis’s gaze dropped to the shiny black boots, and when he looked back at Cloud his eyes registered mild horror. “You didn’t,” he whispered, his voice betraying his disbelief.
Smiling, Cloud put his hand on the older man’s shoulder. He squeezed it with firm friendliness. “I did,” he replied, no guilt in his tone. He released Landis and walked away, leaving him to sort out the reason he would order Alexis to do such a thing. Landis would be pulling at his beard for hours. And he would get no more information from Alexis or him.
The morning and afternoon passed quickly for Alexis. She found the men were more than willing to answer her questions about guns and battle strategy. At first it was a game for them, relating stories of famous sea battles they had either been in or heard about. When they saw the earnestness with which Alexis hung on every word, they hesitated to tell her any more. They were reluctant to play any part in what could ultimately be her death. Alexis wore them down gradually, one at a time, satisfied each time she convinced a man of her determination.
