“Because someone has to.”
“And why doesn’t the captain tell me for himself?”
“Because for him it would mean admitting he was going to lose you.”
“I suppose I knew that,” she conceded softly. “In some ways he has been telling me all along.”
Landis merely smiled, his eyes searching her face for an understanding of what had just been said. When he found it he left her and went below.
Alexis remained on deck, helping some of the men clean out the guns, while she mulled over what Landis had said. His interest in her predicament confused her. She could not understand his special friendship with the captain although she had glimpsed it several times during the day. Thirty years separated the two men but there was a bond between them that nullified those years. “Because someone has to” he had said when she asked why he was explaining the captain’s actions. He wasn’t meddling in a private conflict, she realized.
He was pointing out the truth and she secretly thanked him for it.
In the early evening Alexis returned to the galley and ate her own dinner before she took Cloud’s tray to his cabin.
She knocked firmly on the door.
“Yes?”
“Your dinner, Captain.”
“Bring it in.” Cloud did not like the irritation in his voice. He did not want to see Alexis alone again today. It had been so hard to control his desire to make love to her this afternoon when she had run to him, first demanding then pleading that he take her back to Tortula.
He wanted to whisper “no” softly against the hollow of her throat, “no” against the curve of her naked arm, “no” while his head lay gently at her breast so his breath would kiss her tawny skin with its warmth. He would have formed the word while his fingers caressed her golden hair, while his hands slid along the length of her slim legs and traveled over the smoothness of her flat stomach. He wanted to sigh his refusal against the glistening flesh revealed by her parted thighs and to say it firmly while his lips brushed against the center of her womanhood.
He glanced at the charts in front of him. The lines on the paper fused and he blinked to clear his vision. He heard the door open quietly behind him.
Alexis set the tray on the only clear space on the table she could find. She hoped he would not notice her trembling hands. They trembled every time she thought of all Landis had told her. They trembled now, as she watched Cloud push back his dark copper hair with the heel of his hand, in anticipation that he would say those things to her. They trembled in anticipation of what awaited her when he did.
She hid her hands in the folds of her dress. It was an unnecessary gesture because he did not look at her when she spoke. “I will come back for the tray later. You said you wanted me to polish your boots. Should I get them then?”
“Yes, yes,” he answered impatiently. He dismissed her with a wave of his hand but he watched her out of the corner of his eye as she walked past him to leave his quarters.
Alexis went to her cabin to put it in order. She had not had a moment to herself since joining the crew. Landis had placed a pair of trousers for her on the bunk and she eagerly snatched them, putting them on under her dress. Delighted that they fit she quickly discarded her dress and looked for a shirt. He obviously had not been able to find her one, but she remembered she still had Cloud’s shirt. She slipped it on, rolling the cuffs up to her elbows. She glanced at herself in the mirror, satisfied with her appearance. The clothes no longer could hide the truth of her sex as they had when she was thirteen. In some ways they actually accentuated her femininity. Even a haircut and a knitted cap would no longer help, she thought with pleasure. She had not asked for the clothes in order to deny being a woman, only to aid her in doing her job as best she could. The captain’s white linen shirt could not conceal the outline of her breasts in its folds and the trousers, while they gave her ample leg room, fit snugly across her abdomen and hips. Reluctantly she took off the clothes, deciding to ask Cloud if she could have the shirt before she wore it. She washed her face to remove the smudges of gunpowder and grease, and washed her hair, braiding it while it was still damp. She put on a clean dress. When she thought Cloud had had plenty of time to finish his meal she returned to his cabin to get the tray and his boots.
He had not touched his food, and she commented on the fact.
“Since when is it your concern if I choose to eat or not?” he countered, leaning back in his chair and folding his hands across his chest. He eyed her warily, not believing she would care.
“In truth, Captain, Alex Danty does not care why you haven’t eaten, since the reasons could hardly concern her. Your cabin boy is concerned because not eating, and the way you are studying those charts, could have something to do with this ship.”
Cloud picked up a pencil and tapped it lightly on the table. There was something in her tone he had never heard before. A false sweetness. And he was leery of it. “Would the cabin boy accept the fact that I am just not hungry?”
“Yes, of course,” she answered. “Though I doubt Forrest is going to believe it when I return a full tray to him.”
“You can set Forrest’s mind at ease, as well as your own. There is nothing wrong with the ship or the course we are taking. I doubt he will say anything.”
“No, you’re right. He won’t say anything,” she said innocently. “But your cabin boy had to know for sure so he could tell Alex. She won’t be pleased that she possibly upset your appetite.” Alexis jumped back as Cloud snapped the pencil he was holding in two. The sound echoed in the room, but the silence that followed was even more frightening.
She saw his features harden, his jaw stiffen, and his lips pull tight in a thin line. Her hand flew to her mouth at the realization of just how horrible she had been. What a stupid game to play. She had tested his patience in a way that belittled her.
Cloud pushed his chair back with a sudden jerk and stood. In a few short strides he narrowed the distance between them. He grabbed her brutally around the waist with one arm while his other hand reached for her braid. Finding it, he tugged it hard, forcing her head back, tilting her mouth toward him.
“Of all the things I thought you were,” he whispered menacingly. “A coy bitch was not one of them.” His mouth came down on hers, crushing her lips. She kicked at him, pounded his back, as he ravaged her mouth with his tongue. Her lips were bruised under his brutal kiss. There was no tenderness in the way he held her or in the way he forced her body to press against his. Alexis was glad. This was her punishment for being something she wasn’t; to be taken in a manner that repulsed her, just as her words had repulsed him. She deserved this, she thought. And then she fought him with all her strength. She had her answers now. She had not meant to bait him into admitting that she was the reason he couldn’t eat, couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t think without thinking of her. By his actions he was naming her crime, naming the reason he had brought her with him. He had brought her for everything she was. Now he was proving that by using her as a man would use any woman he no longer respected.
She felt his hand travel from her hair to her breasts. He slipped it into her bodice and pressed his fingers cruelly against her flesh. Suddenly he pushed away. Startled by the loss of support for her body, Alexis stumbled backward and fell.
“Was it enough, Alex?” he asked, breath rasping, green eyes hard and biting as he stared down at her limp form. “Did you find out what you wanted to know? Did the consequence suit the action?”
