Clearly she was telling the truth, he thought bewilderedly. “Then what is it? I don’t understand.”
Shannon slid out of bed and knelt in front of Brandon, placing her hands over his white-knuckled ones. “I love you too much to marry you.”
“I think you really mean that.”
“I do!” she said passionately. “Brandon, I want to be your wife. God help me, I want it as I have never wanted anything! I have had the temerity to dream of it, to weave fantasies of what it would be like. But I know what I am, dearest, even if you choose to ignore it. You have never once asked me about the crime I committed, but that does not make it any less real.”
“I never asked because I have Eric Redmond’s own statement of what happened.”
“He wrote that my stepfather’s death was an accident, didn’t he?”
“Yes.”
She shook her head violently. “It was what he wanted to believe, Brandon, but it is not the truth. His lordship would not listen to me, but you must. I killed my stepfather. If I had not disobeyed him, if I had not pushed him away, he would be alive.”
“Your intent was to protect yourself,” Brandon said.
“What do you know of my intent? I had wished him dead for so long, who is to say what my intent was? He was murdered by my hand, Brandon!” She held them up in front of her. “These hands!”
“Don’t do this to yourself, Shannon.”
She ignored him. “I was sentenced to die for what I had done. A judge understood clearly what you will not. When the earl offered me an escape, I begged him, Ibeggedhim not to arrange for my transport! I reasoned there could never be anything for me here, that death was kinder than living my life under the onus of my crime. But I was wrong, Brandon; there is something for me here.Youare here. Clara, whom I love as dearly as I would my own child, is here. I have long since stopped regretting his lordship’s interference. Do you believe me, Brandon? Do you believe that I am happy here?”
Brandon took Shannon by the wrists and pulled her onto his lap. “I believe you,” he said gently. “I know you’re happy at the folly.”
She laid her head against his shoulder. “Then don’t ask me to give it up.”
“I didn’t realize that’s what I was asking. I thought I was asking you to be my wife.”
“I cannot be your wife and remain anonymous, and anonymity is at the crux of my happiness. The folly has become a refuge for me. As long as I am merely Clara’s governess, there is no reason for me to be introduced to your friends and neighbors. I do not have to go to town with you, I do not have to attend riverside picnics, or host your parties. My past can remain my secret—our secret. That is the way I want it. I will not allow you to damage your reputation by marrying a murderess. The scandal would touch you; it would touch Clara and Cody. You would not be happy, Brandon, and then I would not be happy.”
So that is where it had all been leading. Shannon had appointed herself guardian of his reputation. He could not help himself. Realizing the problem he thought stood as an obstacle to his happiness never really existed, he began to laugh.
Shannon leaned away from him, not believing the rumbling she felt rising in his chest could be laughter. “Damn you, Brandon Fleming!” She tried to twist away from him, but his arms were like steel bands. “Let me go!”
Brandon sucked in his breath as Shannon’s struggle caused her hip to press sharply against his groin. “Oh, no,” he said, lifting her. In two steps he was at the bed. Brandon dropped her to the mattress and quickly followed with his own body before she could roll away. It took both his hands to secure her wrists above her head, but he managed to quiet her flailing legs by clamping one of his thighs over them. He gave her a little shake, which had the desired effect of making her cease her battle altogether.
A lock of Brandon’s corn silk hair had fallen over his forehead. Shannon stared at it in fascination. His mouth twitched at the corners as he tried to tamp down his smile.
“What a complicated piece of work you are,” he said wonderingly. “It will take me all of this life to know even the half of it. I want you to listen to me, Shannon. Will you do that?”
“I seem to have no choice.”
“You always have a choice. And right now your choice is to listen or not. What will it be?”
“I’ll listen.”
“Good.” He quickly kissed the deliciously sulky pout of her lips. “I want you to know that rarely have I heard so much nonsense spoken with more conviction. And no, I am not trying to make light of your feelings or wound your sensibilities. I am very well aware that you are telling me what you believe. But it is not what I believe. You cannot speak of reputation to a man whose great-grandfather won this land by cheating at cards, whose grandfather and father were skirt-chasers, and who himself is intending to divorce his runaway wife. The folly has always had scandal, and the Flemings have always survived it. Don’t use damaging my reputation as an excuse not to marry me.”
Brandon’s smile had faded and his voice dropped, becoming insistent and earnest. “I know that if you become my wife, many of the things you fear will come to pass. Too many people who knew Aurora saw you leave theCenturyin chains. In my uncharitable moments I consider it the best trick she was ever played. I have no idea how the Tidewater gossips have explained it, but you know for yourself that no one has come here seeking the truth. Even though people believed you were my wife, it provided the locals with a nine days’ wonder, nothing more.”
Sensing Shannon’s calm, Brandon released her wrists and began to massage away the imprint of his fingers. “Shannon, do you realize that even if you don’t become my wife, there is always the chance your past will be discovered?”
“You mean Aurora, don’t you? She will eventually learn what happened at theCentury.”
“Yes. I think it’s inevitable. I don’t believe she’s heard of it yet or she would have come here herself to root out the truth. No matter what damage she has done to her own name, she would not let this rest.” Brandon released Shannon’s legs and sat up. “It may be the divorce that brings it to her attention, Shannon. I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you, yet I may have already started something that will reveal the secret you wish to keep.”
“Don’t, Brandon,” she said wearily. “Don’t blame yourself. I have always known that my security was a fragile thing at best. I am prepared to face discovery and the consequences—alone.”
