Brandon frowned. “Has no one explained these things to you?”
“No, not about this. I know how children are conceived.” She plucked at the sleeves of her chemise, bringing them down to her wrists, then placed her palm on the flat of her belly. She stared at her hand. “There is no thickening.”
“There won’t be for some time. There are other ways for a woman to know if she is carrying a child. She may feel tired and sleep long hours.”
“Oh.”
“She may be sick in the morning.”
A measure of color returned to her face. “I haven’t been ill.”
“But the most reliable way of knowing is if the woman’s monthly courses have stopped. Have yours stopped, Shannon?”
Shannon was bombarded by a myriad of conflicting emotions. She hugged her knees to her chest and pressed her forehead against them. She thought it would be relief that would finally assert itself, but what she felt was disappointment. “No, Brandon, I’m not carrying a child.”
“I see,” he said slowly, resting the side of his face against his fingertips. His head felt heavy, too heavy to be supported by his neck. “I suppose I should feel as if I have been granted a respite. A child would complicate everything.”
Shannon turned her face sideways. “I know.”
“There will be children for us later, when our lives are no longer caught in this chaos.”
“Of course.”
“It would be better then.”
“Yes.”
He closed his eyes briefly. “Then why do I feel so miserable?”
“You don’t have to tie me to you with a child, Brandon.”
“Is that what you think?” He leaned forward in his chair. There was more truth to what Shannon had said than he wanted to admit. If she were carrying his child, he knew it would not be possible for her to leave him.
“Yes. Are you going to deny it?”
“No…I’m not going to deny it. You know that I want you to be my wife, Shannon. If a child now would secure your promise, then I would not care at all how it would complicate the present. I have respected your wishes not to discuss the matter, but I cannot understand your hesitation.”
“I do not wish to be the reason for your divorce,” she said quietly.
Brandon nearly came out of his chair. He gripped both arms to keep seated and forced himself to calm. “How can you say that? How can you even think it? My marriage was over long before you came to the folly. I intend to seek a divorce no matter how you answer me.”
“Is that true, Brandon?” She searched his face earnestly. “Do you mean it?”
“Yes. I should have done it when Aurora left. You are not the reason I am seeking it now, Shannon, merely the catalyst. Can you live with that?”
She nodded.
“Then I would have your answer.”
“No, Brandon.”
“Are you saying, ‘No, Brandon, you may not have my answer’ or ‘No, Brandon, I will not marry you’?”
“No, Brandon, I will not marry you.”
Brandon flinched as if she had struck him. “Shannon, do you love me?” he asked, carefully keeping his tone even.
“Yes!”
