"I think you should maybe slow down on the whiskey."
"This is my first drink!"
"Yeah, but you're already at 'should I get cats', and that's usually hour-three energy."
He has a point. I'm speedrunning my breakdown tonight.
I take another sip and pull out my phone. Might as well do something productive with my misery.
First order of business: blocking that Reddit asshole.
Need_Tailor_Chicago. What a stupid fucking username. Who even needs a tailor that urgently? And who asks someone for drinks and then doesn't show up? A coward, that's who. A coward with probably terrible fashion sense despite supposedly needing tailoring services.
I find his profile, hit block, and feel a tiny spark of satisfaction.
Goodbye, mystery man. You're probably a troll anyway. And boring, and ugly, and bad at communication, and I hope Philip's mom sews your pants too tight.
Second order of business: checking the group chat I've been ignoring for the past hour while wallowing.
I open it and—
What?
There are, like, forty new people in this chat. The member count has doubled overnight. I scroll through the names, recognizing exactly none of them until I spot "Marcus" and "Parker".
Someone added the entire fire station.
Before I type, the group name changes right before my eyes.
Marcus changed the group name to: Poles For Paws.
Oh, absolutely fucking not.
Devon changed the group name to: Pints for Paws.
Becker changed the group name to: Pucks For Paws.
Devon changed the group name to: Pints for Paws.
Marcus changed the group name to: Poles For Paws.
I'm going to murder them. I'm going to find them and murder them with my bare hands, and then I'm going to use Hendrix as my alibi because that bird owes me.
Devon changed the group name to: Pints for Paws.
Devon:marcus, buddy, you're new here. behave. becker, touch it again and i'm telling everyone about the thing
Becker:WHAT THING
Devon:you know what thing
Becker:I DON'T KNOW WHAT THING
Devon:exactly??
The group name stays. Ha!
I scroll up to see what I missed.
