I move towards the window and stare out into the dank sky. The trees bend and stretch in the wind, like they’re doing an aerobics class. Adrian will be home any second. And I’m sure we’ll hear from Rachel soon. If not today, then tomorrow. They can only hold Dean so long without charging him. She’d let me know either way, I’m sure. And if they charged Dean, based on what happened to me, coupled with the blackmail, then he’ll hopefully be sent to prison. But he could be innocent of Selena’s death. Maybe he was telling me the truth last night. His attack might have been a desperate attempt to clear his name. He told me he’d seen her lying there that morning but had run off without helping her. If he had stopped to help, he might have been able to save her.
‘What do we do?’ says Julia. I turn to her. She looks devastated. Her eyes are pleading. But I don’t know what to believe. She’d argued with Selena and she’d lied about it.
‘We do nothing,’ I say simply. ‘Ruby’s been through enough. She’s already lost so much of her life, thanks to Selena.’
More secrets and lies. I, always such a follower of rules, am now withholding vital information from the police.
Julia nods. ‘But she could have killed. How will I ever know?’
‘You and Nathan just need to love her,’ I say. ‘If she did push Selena it would have been a moment of desperation after years of abuse.’ The abused fighting back: how can that be wrong? Yet I’d judged Selena for doing so after Aunt Bess’s abuse.
I close my eyes, rubbing my temples. I don’t know what to believe any more.
39
Four days after
Nathan and Julia decide to stay on for another few days. Rachel has advised them to get a solicitor who specializes in family law. She doesn’t think there will be a problem as Nigel is happy to state he believes Ruby should be with her biological father, supported by us. He was never around much anyway, thanks to his job. That was how Selena was able to get away with the abuse for such a long time. I’m sure Nigel loves Ruby in his own way. He just doesn’t want to have to be responsible for her full time.
Dean’s been arrested and Ruby is gaining strength by the day. If she did push Selena, I don’t believe it would have been a deliberate act but a moment of madness. I guess none of us will ever really know what took place at the top of the stairs that day. There are still moments when I doubt Julia. After all, she had a motive and she had been arguing with Selena. But it’s Amelia who worries me most. She should be happier now she’s spoken to me about her fears, but nothing has changed. She still seems morose, spending hours in her room sketching or writing in her diary.I’VE GOT A SECRET. Sometimes, at breakfast or lunch, she glances at Evie and Ruby with something akin to distrust on her face. I wonder if she’s jealous of the close bond they’ve formed. They talk as though they’re much more than cousins. Like sisters.Twins.It’s how Selena and I used to act, all those years ago.
After breakfast I find Amelia in her bedroom. The lack of guests means there’s not much to do. I don’t even know if I’ll advertise for another cleaner. I need to see if business picks up first. I try not to think about what we’ll do if it doesn’t.
The wind is rattling the window panes and from here I can see the mountains through the rain and mist. I don’t want to leave, despite all that’s happened here. I’m hoping the Brecons will start to feel like a haven again.
Amelia is lying on her bed, the art pad resting on her knees as she scribbles away. At the bottom, horizontal to her and Evie’s beds, is the futon we made up for Ruby. I switch the light on, making a comment about straining her eyes in the darkness. She doesn’t look up but carries on sketching, the pencil flying across the paper as she shades in an area of hair.
I sit on the edge of her bed and stroke the duvet cover. It has butterflies and birds all over it, pretty but not too girly. ‘Moo,’ I begin, wondering what I’m going to say. ‘I’m still worried about you.’
‘I’m fine,’ she says, her eyes still on the page. She’s drawing a girl in the style of Manga. It’s impressive. But the drawing is dark and angry. Punky. I remember the drawing I saw the other day of a young girl running away from a ghost. Why won’t she draw happy things?
‘You’re clearly not fine,’ I persist. ‘Is it because you’ve got to go back to school tomorrow?’ I know it’s more than that.
She shakes her head. ‘No. School’s fine, I suppose.’
‘I thought you hated it.’
‘It’s okay.’ She doesn’t lift the pencil from the page and the tip scratches as it makes contact.
I watch her, wondering what else to say. ‘Are you happy with Ruby staying with us for a while?’ She doesn’t say anything. ‘Moo?’
She turns to me, her pencil poised above the page. Her large eyes, so like Adrian’s, are sad. ‘I’m fine about it. I like Ruby.’
‘Then what is it? Because I know there’s something. Something is worrying you and you’re never going to be happy unless you tell me what it is.’
She sighs, and I think she’s going to turn away from me, but suddenly she closes her book and puts down her pencil. ‘You wouldn’t believe me even if I told you. Sometimes I think I must have dreamed it.’
‘What? What do you think you saw?’
She closes her eyes and balls her hands into fists, pressing them into her eye sockets. It’s how she used to cry as a little girl and I put my hand on her shoulder. ‘Sweets?’
Her shoulders shudder. ‘I don’t want to get Evie into trouble. She doesn’t know.’
I brush her hair back from her face. ‘What doesn’t she know?’
She takes her hands away from her face. But without looking at me she whispers, ‘That she killed Selena.’
My scalp prickles. ‘What do you mean?’
