“So I can go?” Angeni asked.
“You can go,” he said. “Just rest, take it easy for a few days. Then you can gradually resume normal activities.”
As if any mother worth anything could take it easy for a few days.
Erik was quiet on the drive home, which only made Angeni worry more about Freya. She started to bite her fingernails, something she hadn’t done in years.
“You okay?” Erik asked her.
“I’m worried about Freya.”
“She’s fine. I promise.”
“I need to see for myself.”
She stuffed her hands underneath her thighs so she would stop gnawing on her nails. She bit her lip instead.
“I’m sure it was hard being at the hospital,” Erik said, “but you’re out of there now. We’ll get you home and back to normal.”
Normal.Angeni had forgotten what that was. Nothing had felt normal lately.
“We’ll probably have to do a post on Instagram,” Erik said. “When you’re up for it, I mean.”
The regular schedule of her Instagram posts hadn’t even crossed Angeni’s mind. She had been thinking only about Freya. And despite all attempts not to, she’d been thinking about that letter.
You Should Be Charged With Murder.
She couldn’t mention the letter to Erik because he didn’t know why it would be so unsettling. He didn’t know what had happened with her mother all those years ago. It had to have been Aurora who’d sent it. But why? What would be the purpose of bringing it up now? Was she tired of carrying their secret? Was she that resentful of Sitka? Angeni thought back to when Erik had come into their lives, how worried Aurora had been about losing importance in Angeni’s life.
“People will worry about you,” Erik said.
Angeni didn’t know what he was referring to, her thoughts elsewhere. “What?”
“People. Online. They’re going to wonder where you are, why you haven’t posted.”
“I can’t think about that right now.”
“I know. I’m sorry. Just trying to get ahead of it.”
“Of what?”
“Gossip. Drama. Anyway, forget it.”
When he sighed, it wasn’t just exhaustion, but something else. Defeat, despair.
Sitka and Freya were standing on the front porch when Erik and Angeni pulled into the driveway. At the sight of her baby, Angeni unbuckled her seat belt and started to rise, not caring that the car was still in motion. Her baby needed her. Her breasts started to swell and tingle, preparing for their duty.
But as she came closer, she saw that Freya was not in any distress at all. She was smiling as Sitka bounced her in her arms. Angeni was overcome with a profound mixture of relief and sorrow at this. Her baby was fine, just as Erik had said. Her baby was seemingly unaffected by the sudden absence of her mother.
Angeni opened the car door and sprinted toward Freya. She still felt woozy and awkward on her feet, but she had to get to her daughter. Freya squealed with reassuring delight as Angeni reached for her and hugged her against her chest.
“Oh, my baby,” Angeni said, tears coming in a rush.
She kissed every inch of Freya’s face as Freya giggled.
“You must be starving,” Angeni said, nuzzling into Freya’s neck.
She held Freya against her with one hand and used the other to pull out her left breast, offering it to her daughter.
