His lips twitch. “Sometimes.”
“Only sometimes?” I joke, hating the way my heart is pounding. I shouldn’t care what his best friend thinks about me.
But I do. God, I really do.
Now he breaks out into a full grin. “If it were up to Jonas, we’d do nothing but talk about you. He finds your presence in my life very interesting.”
“Because I’m your pretend wife?”
“Because you’re a woman.”
My brow furrows as I try to make sense of what he’s saying, and then it dawns on me. “Do you not usually date women? Are you?—”
“No.” He laughs, the corners of his eyes crinkling with amusement. “I’m not gay. Or bi. I just don’t usually date.”
“At all?” The words come out louder than intended, but seriously, he’s gorgeous. How can he not date?
“Not in the traditional sense.” Which translates to…he’s strictly a hookup guy. Oh great. My husband is a fuckboy.
I raise my hand, plastering on a smile, before he has a chance to respond. “I have three brothers. No need to explain.”
“Clearly I do.” He shakes his head. “’Cause I can see how you might have interpreted that, and while yes, when I do spend time with a woman, it’s usually brief?—”
I groan. “Hollis, this is?—”
“Uncomfortable? Yeah, it is. But I need you to understand, okay? Will you let me try to explain?”
I nod.
“Good, okay.” He lets out a breath. “I’m not good at letting people in. I never have been. It’s why I move around so much, why I suck at making friends. I don’t know. Maybe growing up the way I did broke something in me.”
“You’re not broken, Hollis,” I say.
He stares up at the ceiling, clearly unconvinced. “I used to believe her, you know, when I was little? She’d tell me we were moving and things would be better, and I’d believe her. I’d think, finally, I’m going to have a real home like everyone else. But then a few months later, I’d be alone in a dingy hotel room, eating stale Cheerios, wondering what I did wrong this time.”
Fucking hell.
He’s never opened up this much about his past. Even when he was living with us, I’d just get snippets, and then he’d close himself off with a broad smile and quick-witted joke.
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” I tell him.
“I know that now. I do, but it still doesn’t make it any easier to trust people. To let my guard down.”
“Sounds lonely,” I say, feeling a heavy weight of emotion settle on my chest.
“It can be.”
“So you…” God, please don’t make me say it.
“Sometimes,” he thankfully answers for me. “When the loneliness gets unbearable.”
I nod, the pain in his voice making me focus less on my jealousy and more on him. “My family never really understoodwhy I stayed with Jace so long. It was because the thought of being alone was more unbearable than staying with him.”
He turns to face me, his eyes full of sadness. “Pres.”
I shake my head, trying to keep the tears at bay. “It took me a while to realize that. I have an amazing family. Why would I ever feel lonely, right?”
“Like you’ve said, they all have their own lives. It’s easy to feel isolated.”
