“You’re doing it now.” He quirked a brow. “Shall I list other occasions when I’ve noticed you trying to divert my attention from whatever is bothering you?”
Drat. Why did I have to fall in love with such a blasted observant fellow?
“That is unnecessary.” She huffed out a breath. “You’ve made your point.”
She sat up against the headboard, and he did the same. His mouth crooked up when she tucked the sheet primly over her breasts.
“What if you don’t like what I have to share?” she asked.
To his credit, he appeared to think it over. “Then I don’t like it, and we will have a discussion.”
“What if it changes how you feel about me? You may think you know me, but you don’t.”
“I think I know you rather well. Not just in the Biblical sense.”
For some reason, his indulgent expression irked her. Here she was dipping her toe in the murky pool of intimacy, and he thought this was amusing? A part of her wanted to retreat, yet Mrs. Swann’s words played in her head.
Fear keeps us from our heart’s deepest desires. Vanquish yours, and you will become the woman you were meant to be.
“I may look like a lady on the outside,” Fi blurted, “but on the inside, I…well, I’m not as good as you think.”
“I’m aware that propriety isn’t high on your list of virtues,” he said solemnly. “But I am willing to live with your lack of decorum. Especially in bed.”
“I’m being serious,” she protested.
“So am I. I adore your naughty streak, darling. Always have.”
She couldn’t let him labor under his delusions any longer.
“I am not just naughty in bed. In real life, I am willful. Rebellious,” she informed him. “You know I value my independence, but it goes deeper than that. I am not a good, well-behaved person like Caroline. I am ambitious and selfish, sometimes petty. I want what I want, and I cannot change who I am. I’ve managed to hide the truth from Society—mostly by working on my looks and charm—but it is all an act. A masquerade.”
He drew his brows together. “Is that what you’ve been thinking? That you’re not as good apersonas my first wife?”
“Not just her.” Fi squared her shoulders. “My mama and Max too. They are nice and giving, always putting the needs of others first. And my friends, they are all talented and brilliant. Compared to them, I…well, I am just me. Nothing special. Mainly I’m good at looking pretty and charming people.”
“Christ, Fiona.”
He looked…stunned? The knots inside her tightened. She’d known intimacy was a risk.
Yet you exposed yourself anyway, like the reckless fool you are. And now you are going to lose the one thing that matters most…
She pulled the sheets more tightly around her, fighting the appalling burn behind her eyes.
She felt her chin being tipped up. Then she was looking into Hawk’s intense and tender gaze.
“Why would the Incomparable for two seasons running, the debutante who is the envy of women and the desire of men, think so little of herself?”
His gentleness cracked open her heart.
“Because I know who I am.” She blinked away a tear. “My so-called success isn’t because I am special; I just work harder than the other debutantes. If you only knew all the hours I’ve spent memorizing Debrett’s or practicing dance steps or learning all the fashion trends. It is just another one of my flaws. I am competitive, you see, and driven. While it hurts when others call me Miss Banks, there is a seed of truth in it,” she acknowledged. “I am not blue-blooded or aristocratic, and because of that, I have had to fight my way to the top. To show them all I have what it takes to be a true lady. The irony of it is, I have somehow managed to fool everyone.”
“Except yourself.” Hawk’s voice was deep with understanding. “You think you’re an impostor, is that it? That you don’t belong in rarefied circles?”
“Yes, precisely.” Surprised by his acuity, she asked, “How did you know?”
“Because I have felt as you do.”
She canted her head. “You have? But you were born into nobility.”
