She hadn’t realized just how much her secrets had burdened her through the years, weighing her down like a water-logged coat. Shedding the past made her feel freer than she ever had in her marriage. That Marcus could accept the things she’d done as a spy… she hadn’t known how important that was. ’Twas as if her soul had been corseted all this time, and now the strings were loosening, allowing her to breathe more fully.
True, her one despicable secret remained… but since Marcus had said the past didn’t matter, she’d decided to let that sleeping dog lie. She wasn’t about to reveal her dishonor when she didn’t have to. If this decision made her lily-livered, then so be it. She’d rather be a coward with a husband who loved her than a brave fool who’d risk losing everything she’d just won back.
She told herself that things were already better than ever between them. No need to gild the lily and risk mucking everything up in the process. No, best to leave things as they were. After all, Marcus had forgiven her, didn’t condemn her for her sins. She no longer had to constantly fear exposing herself and could give freer rein to her impulses. In fact, her husband seemed to delight in it when she did.
On just such a whim, she suggested they take a walk on the third day. Marcus at first balked, preferring the cozy warmth of the cottage and, waggling his brows, offered up a naughty alternative to braving the outdoors. But seeing as she could still feel the tingling aftermath between her thighs from their bout before breakfast, she was able to remain steadfast in her plan to get them some fresh air and exercise.
Thus, a half-hour later, she found herself walking hand in hand with her spouse through the woods surrounding their property. The bright afternoon sun sparkled off the ice-crusted branches and untouched fields, its warmth making their fur-trimmed hats and gloves almost unnecessary.
Breathing in the crisp air, she said, “See? I told you it wasn’t too cold for a walk.”
“Perhaps not for you, you hot-blooded wench.” Marcus’ eyes, as blue as the clear sky, smiled at her. “But some of us prefer lounging in front of the fire over freezing our arses off.”
“We lounged in front of the fire all day yesterday.”
“Yes, and what splendid lounging that was.”
Seeing as how they’d both been naked, their limbs entangled and other body parts joined as well, she couldn’t disagree.
“I don’t recall you being quite this randy before, Lord Blackwood,” she teased.
He stopped, turning to her and curling a gloved finger beneath her chin. “I’ve always wanted you, Lady Blackwood. It took almost losing you to realize how much.”
Her throat clogged. Blooming hell, she loved this man.
He touched his mouth to hers, and they walked on. The light covering of snow crunched beneath their boots, and seeing the pair of tracks they left behind them on the unblemished white canvas made her feel as if they were the only two people on earth… at least for the next few days. They reached the edge of a small pond, and she looked out onto the tranquil surface, contentment bobbing within her.
“Penny, there’s something I’ve been wondering about.”
“Hmm?” Her gaze caught on a lone bird floating on the water. No other birds nearby. Brave thing, taking on the elements alone.
“Did I make you feel like you needed to lie about your past?”
Her eyes flew sharply to Marcus’ face, and seeing his furrowed brow, peace fled her. She’d thought they’d agreed to put her past behind them. Had he changed his mind already? “I beg your pardon?” she said.
“No, love, don’t look worried. I meant what I said: what you did before our marriage doesn’t matter to me.” The earnestness of his gaze anchored her. “But our relationship does matter, and I want to know if there was anything aboutme—anything that I could or should have done—that would have made you confide in me earlier.”
Her pulse steadied. She shook her head. “It wasn’t anything about you, Marcus. You’re the most trustworthy, honorable man I’ve ever met. That’s why I fell in love with you in the first place.”
“It wasn’t my Adonis-like looks?” He quirked a brow.
“Well, that too.” Knowing that he was trying to lighten the conversation and make it go more easily for her, she dug up as much of the truth as she could. “Growing up as I did, I learned that survival depended on trusting no one. My training as an agent honed that instinct. Then I met you, and suddenly my whole world seemed topsy-turvy. I wanted things I didn’t think were possible for a woman like me.”
He studied her, said quietly, “A woman like you?”
As always, she felt bared by his intense gaze, those vivid blue eyes penetrating all her layers… down to the ugly core. She swallowed her sudden panic. “A spy, I mean. Someone who’d done terrible things—even if they were done in the name of justice.”
“Penny, you are the sweetest, bravest, and strongest woman I know.”
His praise flooded her like sunshine, chasing away some of her shadows, but she said truthfully, “I’m not sweet.”
“To me, you are.” He cupped her cheek, warm leather against her cool skin. “Knowing what I do now about what you survived and the world you came from only makes me marvel more at the sweetness of your love. I don’t know how you endured such harshness to become the woman that you are. I only know that by some miracle you’re mine.”
Her vision blurred. “Don’t make me cry. My lashes will freeze together.”
“I have no intention of making you cry ever again—unless those tears are ones of joy. But I want you to know that you can talk to me about the past… about anything.” His thumb traced the slope of her cheekbone. “I want you to know that you can trust me.”
The moment hung between them like their puffing breaths. She felt the albatross of shame hanging around her neck and wanted to free herself, yet it tightened like a noose. Fear choked her, the memory of being powerless, the pain, the feeling that she would never be clean again. And, worst of all, there was the fear of losing him.
