At the same time, annoyance pricked her. Why did he have to assume that she wasn’t able or willing to be what he wanted? After all, she trustedhim. In spite of the violence in his past, she knew he would never hurt her—would defend her to his dying breath. Why didn’t he return her trust, show confidence in her strength? Why did he say the wordvirginas if her condition were a disease?
Lifting her chin, she said boldly, “And if I say this would not be a problem?”
“Then I’d say you don’t know what you’re talking about.” His eyes hooded, a muscle leaping in his jaw. “You’re dainty and innocent, Thea. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“For heaven’s sake, I am tired of you treating me as if I’m a ninny incapable of making up my own mind.” He was teaching her that she did indeed have a temper and that it was fully operational. “And I’m even more tired of being treated as too weak and delicate for your manly desires. You were happily married before. If this wasn’t a problem then, I fail to see why you think it will be a problem with me.”
Lines slashed around his mouth, his features hard as if carved from granite. His throat worked, as if he wanted to say something and could not. Suddenly, she understood. What he was too much of a gentleman to say.
His marriage… it hadn’t been perfect.
That was the reason for his present reservations. Guilt filled her that she’d brought up the topic so carelessly—and even more so that she felt a tiny, terrible spark of relief that whatever she was being measured against, it was not perfection.
“I will not dishonor the past,” he said in low tones, “but I have learned from it. I will not place myself in a situation where my needs are incompatible with my wife’s. To do so results in misery for both parties.”
She swallowed. “And if both parties want the same thing? If I’m willing to try to be the kind of wife you want?”
In the moonlight, his mask of equanimity was ripped away. He was laid bare to her, his expression ravaged. “There’s notrying, Thea,” he said with sizzling scorn. “Marriage is permanent. If we are not suited, you’ll be tied to a husband who disgusts you.”
“You could never disgust me,” she said with conviction.
“You don’t know that,” he scoffed.
Insight flashed.He’s afraid, she thought in wonder. Back in the country, one of their neighbors had owned a stallion that had been trapped in a barn struck by lightning. Subsequently, any sign of a storm had caused the animal to react with agitation, to slice the air with its great hooves.
Whatever had happened in Gabriel’s marriage had spooked him completely. Was making him lash out and try to scare her away.
Tenderness and a strange calm flowed through her. Seeing this powerful male quivering with his need for her—fighting against it—opened an inner dam of courage. Strength.He’s yours for the taking, a voice whispered.If you’re not afraid to reach for what you want.
Oh, how she wanted him. A daring plan unfolded in her head. It was brazen, wanton—something a frail spinster would never dream of doing. And something a woman in lovehadto do.
She said softly, “The first time we met, I knew I wanted to be with you. You heard the passion in me, and you answered it. That was real, the true music between us. Anything else is just noise.”
“In bed, I’m no sonata. By the time I’m finished with you, you’ll be hearing a funeral march,” he predicted grimly.
She shook off thefrissonof anxiety elicited by his dire words. “I have a proposal for you, Gabriel. Let me decide for myself if I want what you have to offer. Treat me as the woman that I am,” she said steadily, “and letmemake the choice of whether I want to marry you.”
“What you’re asking…” He dragged a hand through his hair. “I’m not going to take your virginity without giving you my name.”
“Surely there are less irrevocable ways to test our compatibility? In the carriage, you didn’t…” Her cheeks pulsed with heat.
“I wanted to. I wanted to take you then and there, hard and fast.” His tone was gritty. “Which is why I didn’t unleash my desires. Why I had you hold onto the strap—so your touch couldn’t tempt me to further madness.”
She had the sensation of standing on a precipice. Fear and exhilaration made her breathless. All her life she’d been waiting for this moment: to spread her wings and fly.
Taking a breath, she said, “What if we did it that way again?”
Chapter Seventeen
Blood plummeted from his brain and rushed hotly into his groin.
“I beg your pardon?” he said.
His throat went dry when she untied the belt of her flannel wrapper and pulled it free of the loops. The robe hung open, revealing the voluminous folds of her night rail. With care, she folded the wide strip of cloth in lengths and held it out to him.
“Bind me again—make love to me in whatever way you wish. I trust you.” Her sweet, reckless faith blasted heat through his veins. “Don’t you want to see if this is possible between us? Don’t you want me enough to try?”
He said nothing. Didn’t trust himself to open his mouth.
