She saw the banked fire in his eyes and knew he was testing her.
Quietly, she said, “Were they innocent?”
His mouth twisted. “Depends which side you were fighting on. But the men I killed—they had family and lovers to mourn them—the same as any British agent or soldier. And I took their lives as easily as a butcher does livestock.”
“Not as easily, I think,” she said softly, “for the butcher doesn’t think of the beast he slaughtered over ten years ago. He doesn’t hate himself for doing his job.”
Gabriel’s lips pressed together. Had she hit a nerve?
“Regardless, I cannot put you in danger.” He shoved a hand through his hair. “The Spectre is out for my blood, and no one near me is safe.”
“With the help of Kent and Associates, you will capture the villain. I know you will.” Squaring her shoulders, she said, “Once the Spectre is caught, would you want to be with me then?”
“Thea, it’s not that simple—”
“It is precisely that simple. You’ve been ambivalent about me from the start—even last Season, before the affair with the Spectre reared its ugly head,” she pointed out. “What aren’t you telling me, Gabriel? Is it me? Because of my weak lungs, my health—”
“There’s nothing wrong with you. Not one bloody thing.” His hands closed around her upper arms, his eyes glittering. “You are perfect, princess.”
“Then is it because…”—her throat cinched, yet she forced the words out—“because of your wife? Because you love her still?”
He looked briefly startled. “No. That is, I hold her memory in high esteem. I always will. But romantic love… it has long faded.”
Relief washed over Thea. She heard the truth in his voice, saw it in his face. Her worst fear was conquered. Placing her hands on his chest, feeling the hard-paved muscles flex at her touch, she whispered, “Why then, Gabriel? Why won’t you let us be together?”
Silence hung like ripe and ready fruit.
He released her, took a step back.
“Because,” he said in a guttural voice, “I want you too damned much.”
She blinked. Of all the things she expected him to say, that wasn’t one of them. “I don’t understand.”
“There are things about me you don’t know.”
She grasped the lapels of his robe, gave a desperate tug. “For goodness’ sake,tell me.”
With gentle yet firm authority, he removed her hands and placed them back at her sides. “If we were to marry, I’d want certain things. In the bedchamber,” he said bluntly.
Warmth swirled beneath her skin. She still didn’t see where the problem was.
“I think… I’d want those things too,” she said bashfully.
“Would you?” The corner of his mouth curled and not in amusement. “I’m not talking about the kind of marital relations that exist between most couples. What I want is… more. More even than what would legally be mine, what words on paper could convey. I’d want to possess you, Thea. To have you surrender to my every desire and submit your will to mine.”
Heat fluttered between her thighs. Her lungs constricted.
Breathe in, breathe out.
“Could you, um, be more specific?” she managed.
“I’d want your body when I want, how I want. You wouldn’t refuse me—unless you were ill or hurt. Even then, you would trust me to take care of you,” he said bluntly. “Sometimes I would make love to you tenderly, other times I’d want to rut you hard and fast. I would accept no limits to our sensual life. Restrain you, have you in different positions, anything I can think of. And I would expect you not only to obey my command but wish to.”
She felt dizzy. His words swamped her with a wave of arousal—and she wasn’t even sure she fully comprehended what he was saying. She moistened her lips. “I… see.”
“No, you don’t. This isn’t something I’d expect a virgin to understand.” His pupils were dilated, black edging out grey. “But this is what I want, and I cannot change who I am.”
She became aware of two oddly opposite feelings. One was heady, vibrant desire. What would it be like to belong to Gabriel in the way that he described? To finally bewantedas a woman and with such unbridled intensity? His masterful possession in the carriage washed over her, and recalling the supple leather between her palms, the way his command had restrained her, she felt a deep, lush tug of yearning.
