I fill her in.
‘Wow! Who would have thought it! So it’s all out in the open now and you trust Alison?’
‘I don’t like the way she and Nick are so cosy together, and he goes running when she calls. But yeah, I trust her with my mum.’
Freddie wails and Jodie reaches over and gives him his dummy before replying. ‘Well you know Nick, he’ll help anyone out. And he and Alison worked together years ago, so she’s probably comfortable turning to him.’
‘I think they were more than workmates.’ There, I’ve voiced it, the doubt that’s been tumbling round and round in my mind like washing on a spin cycle.
‘Maybe, but it was a long time ago, Liz. We all have a past. Have you asked Nick about it?’
‘Yes and he said there was nothing between them.’ I want to believe Nick, he’s my husband, my rock.
‘Even if there was more it was years ago, it was before you and Nick even met. It’s history,’ Jodie points out.
‘Exactly. So why deny it?’
‘Perhaps he feels awkward because Alison is family now. Or maybe he’s actually telling the truth and there wasn’t anything between them.’
I mull it over. Alison worked at the company just before Dad died, a summer holiday job, Nick told me. She didn’t even know that he’d died. It was Nick who found him, lying on the floor, an electric flex in his hand. He’d been electrocuted. Nick said that the electric socket was faulty and Dad had got a shock when he plugged in the photocopier. Nick turned off the electricity, called the emergency services, went to the hospital with Dad and stopped with him until we got there, but it was too late, Dad had gone. The electric shock had caused him to have a heart attack. Mum and I were devastated to lose Dad, especially like that. We couldn’t believe he’d gone. And I couldn’t help thinking that it was karma, that his life had been taken because I’d been the cause of Carol dying. The guilt ate me up but I couldn’t tell Mum. I’d convinced myself that she would blame me and hate me. I was in a mess, trying to be strong for my mum.
‘You and Nick always seem really solid to me.’ Jodie’s voice breaks into my thoughts. ‘Anyone can see that he adores you. He has done ever since he met you.’
‘I know,’ I agree slowly. Nick really looked after us when Dad died, I recall, he came over frequently to see if we needed anything, helped organise the funeral, took over the running of the company. We owe him so much. I don’t know how either of us would have coped without him. He thought that my trauma was grief, he didn’t know that it was guilt as well. No one did. He was so kind and supportive. Gradually we got closer, and when he asked me to marry him I was so happy. I knew Nick was a safe pair of hands and would look after me. He’s been a good husband and dad all these years.
He wouldn’t cheat on me. I know he wouldn’t.
‘Mum, I’m hungry.’ Mollie comes running over.
‘Look, I’m going to get home and leave you to see to your kids, Rob will be home soon and you need to spend some time together. Thanks so much for last night. And looking after Isaac and Grace today.’
‘You’re welcome.’ Jodie gets to her feet. ‘Don’t let Nick and Alison’s past history come between you both, Liz. You two are good together. And don’t get caught up in your own thoughts. I know how you are when you get anxious. Remember, I’m here if you ever need to talk.’
‘Thanks, Jodie. And me for you.’
Jodie is the best friend anyone could wish for but she’s never really understood my trauma about what happened to Alison and Kenny’s mum. And I’m sure she thinks I’m overreacting now.
I’m glad to be back in my own house. The kids are too. They rush outside to play, and I unpack our overnight bags and put the clothes in the laundry basket. Nick will be home later so I’ll leave the washing until tomorrow and add his to it.
He messages me to say he’s on his way.
Love you. Can’t wait to be back home.
I can’t wait to see him either. But I can’t forget the way Alison looked when she said I had to talk to Nick, it made me feel that he was keeping something big from me.
I can trust him, can’t I?
50
JUDITH
I try to rest but too many thoughts are swimming around in my head. I’m stunned to learn that Lizzie has been struggling with this terrible guilt all these years. I wish she’d told me. She said that Nick doesn’t know either but promised that she’s going to talk to him when he gets home from Leeds. And poor Alison, blaming herself. I don’t like to betray a confidence but I think I should tell George about it, he would hate to think she feels that way, I’m sure. Carol might not have been Alison’s real mum but I’m quite certain that they would all feel horrified if they knew how she felt, and that none of them blamed her or had tried to push her out.
I hear the doorbell ring and listen as Alison opens the door. ‘Hi there,’ she says cheerily, then I hear Kenny’s voice. ‘How’s the patient today?’
‘Getting a lot stronger. She’ll soon be out and about again,’ Alison replies.
She’s right. I am getting stronger. I reach for my crutches and hobble into the kitchen.
