When it was over, a strange sense of peace washed over me. I wasn’t alone now. I wasn’t keeping a secret. This wasn’t like back in the day with Lloyd, where the lies piled up around me and I took his request for privacy as sexy gospel.
Now I was having sex with a totally amazing guy. And I just got to…tell my friend about it. Trusting someone, which had seemed unconscionable just a few minutes ago, now didn’t just feel doable. It felt vital.
When I finished, she tossed her hair smugly. “You’ve never seen a rom-com, have you, Scout?”
“I don’t watch a lot of movies. But when I do, if it doesn’t have laser swords or robots in it, I’m usually not interested.”
“Fine, then. Just know that I’ve seen this movie before.” She beamed and threw her arm around my shoulder. “I won’t spoil the ending for you. But be prepared for a few plot twists.”
20
Friends with Whatever-It-Is
“I swear that I didn’t mean for her to see it. And I’m sorry. But I don’t have to keep, you know, talking to her about it—”
We were in my apartment, halfway into a glass of wine, when I realized I couldn’t carry on without Hudson knowing the truth. That our little experiment had broken containment and infected the office—or, at least, my friendship-by-fire with Leelah. But now that I’d done it, he looked at me like I was the silliest woman who’d ever lived. “Scout, do you think I’m mad at you?”
He didn’t look mad. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t. People lied all the time. I did, anyway. “Maybe a little?”
“You’re the one who wanted to keep us a secret. If you want people to know, then you should tell them. If I had my way about it, I’d probably be taking out an ad inPopular Science.”
It was the fastest resolution to any relationship conflict I’d ever been involved in. I didn’t know how to proceed.
Well. Okay, then. Might as well get on with the real purpose of his visit. I reached for the buttons of my shirt.
“Okay, you ready?”
“For what?”
“For sex,” I said, obviously. “What else?”
Hudson shifted on the couch, eyeing me curiously. “Aren’t you sore after last night?”
“A little. But studies show that muscular stiffness should generally be worked out, not rested. At least, that’s what Clara told me when she tried to trick me back into going to reformer Pilates with her. Let’s go in the bedroom—”
“Do youwantto have sex, Scout? Like right now, in this moment?”
“What about you? Doyouwant to?”
“That wasn’t the question.”
“It is now. What is this conversational anaphylaxis you experience every time I ask you what you want?”
“I just want to make sure you’re comfortable. And happy. I don’t want to chase you off.”
“You couldn’t chase me off. I don’t think you could ever chase anybody off.”
“Wanna bet?” he grumbled.
I thought about his vague story about his ex-girlfriend. Was that what he meant?
“Care to expand on that, sir?”
“No, thank you.”
Silence lingered between us for a beat too long. I gestured to my bedroom door.
“So…sex? I mean, it’s just that you’re here and I thought most guys would jump at the chance to skip foreplay.”
