Ciar glanced up sharply. “I’ve never touched a woman’s pregnant belly before.”
How was she to know? He went back to studying her tummy and did as she suggested. He pressed too lightly, so she covered his hands with hers and pressed and manipulated her stomach from side to side.
Bingo. His shocked gasp made her smile. “That’s our son. Gray, can you believe that? We did that. My God. I’m still so…I’m blown away.”
“I’m excited to meet him,” she said, dropping her hands from his. He didn’t let go immediately but hesitantly massaged his big hands over the mound. The gentle circles felt wonderful against her tight skin.
“I have so many questions. Like, have you thought of a name? Do you have his room decorated? Do you have all the baby stuff bought? Or did you have a baby shower?” The last made him pause, and his hands stilled.
“Everyone’s known. This whole time, and they’ve not told me. Daniel and Jonathan?”
She didn’t like how hurt he sounded and tried to explain. “I only found out six weeks ago—this bump grew overnight. I wasn’t showing before that.
“I wanted to be the one to tell you, so I asked everyone to keep quiet. I did try that night at your house, but you didn’t have the time to listen. I decided that it would be easier if I just let you know after the birth.
“I think that when the boys paid you a visit, and you somehow all managed to beat each other up, it was their way of getting you to come home, or admit to, you know, feelings for me or whatever.
“You did move home, I guess. They managed that much,” Gray shrugged.
“I admitted I had feelings for you too,” he let his hands fall from her bump to place them on her knees.
It was odd to have him touching her body. Wonderful, but weird after so long.
“In answer to your other questions, I haven’t picked out any names. I refused a shower until I decide where he and I would be living, Dublin or Inverness, which means I don’t have a roomdecorated, as much as it’s upsetting my mother, and I don’t have a single thing purchased.
“I moved out of the townhouse and live with my parents since I’m doing these last months of uni online. I only have one major project left and a few papers to finish. I figured I could get everything figured out before he comes.”
He clasped her hands in his. “I’m gutted, Gray. Fucking gutted that you’ve been doing this alone. Please tell me that you want me to be a part of his life. I want to be.”
And there it was. Ciar wanted to be a part of their child’s life. No mention of being a part of hers. She expected it. Truly, she did, it was different thinking it versus hearing it, though.
“Of course. I will have my family’s solicitor contact yours. I want to be fair with you, as I hope you do with me.”
He looked so taken aback, Gray was instantly confused. She handed him precisely what he wanted. Shared custody unencumbered by the child’s mother.
“That isn’t what I want at all, Gray, and you know that damn well. There’s been no one for me since our first kiss, and there won’t be either. Can’t we be a family?”
Can’t we be a family?It’s what she wanted more than anything, except… “I want that, Ciar, but not with a man who doesn’t trust me. One who lies to me and leaves me with no explanation. No. I don’t want that.”
Even though he looked devastated, she couldn’t cave in. Their future, if they were to have one other than that of coparents, meant starting the way you wanted to continue.
And she wanted the truth. He was hiding, from what, she hadn’t a clue.
To soften the blow, she touched his knee. “I’m relieved you know.” She checked her phone and realized she had only fifteen minutes before her doctor’s appointment.
She stood quickly. “I’ve got to go. I have an appointment with the baby’s doctor. We’ll talk soon.”
Ciar caught her arm. “Can I come with you?”
He looked so hopeful, despite everything between them, she couldn’t tell him no. “Fine. Get us a car.”
forty-one
CIAR
The car ridewas silent as they traveled through Dublin’s busy streets to the doctor’s. Ciar was reeling. He thought he’d been going to break up a romantic lunch, but in truth, she’d not only been faithful to him during their time apart but also had been growing their child. Alone.
He was weeks away from being the father of two children. It was overwhelming but exhilarating. He loved being a father. He would love it more if Gray were by his side.
