“I don’t…what…but we haven’t… Please explain.”
“You didn’t just walk away from me, Ciar. You left your son too. While you set up house with your other family, I’ve been alone.”
forty
GRAY
No matterhow many times Gray told herself, her family, or her friends that she was ready to move on from Ciar, until she said the words to him, “I’m pregnant,” she hadn’t realized just how furious she was at him. She hadn’t moved on at all.
It was irrational to blame him. He hadn’t known, but rational thought had no place where the man who threw her away stood.
His confusion only pissed her off more. He’d been so busy keeping his secrets and taking care of his daughter that he’d never considered what her life looked like now. Gray knew he wouldn’t have abandoned her had he known about their baby, but she didn’t want a man who was only doing the right thing.
Ciar claimed he’d been hoping for reconciliation, but as the months passed, her hope dimmed, and she became ashamedly bitter. His daughter had his love and attention, which she should, of course, but what of the baby’s mother? Did she have his attention as well?
Was there any room left in his life for another baby? And the more selfish question, was there any room for her?
Loving a man who gave nothing in return was a lonely and painful road. He wanted her to explain what exactly? How she got pregnant? Surely he remembered. They were both involved.
“What do you want me to explain, Ciar?”
He opened and closed his mouth several times, and finally settled for, “Whose baby is it?”
Dumfounded. Flabbergasted. Stupefied. Thunderstruck. Dazed. Stunned. Pick any or all of them. She felt them all.
He thought she’d had a child with another man. What? Simply because he did, she chose to as well? Disgusting.
Clamping her teeth together until they hurt, Gray forced herself to swallow her hurt and tears, scooted back her chair, retrieved her purse from the floor at her feet, and stood. Her coat was in the cloak room. She’d need to grab that on her way out.
She chanced a last look at Ciar, who was staring wide-eyed at her belly. Maybe that answered who the father was.Asshole.
“Please pay for lunch, Ciar. I’ve an appointment to get to.” She was wearing a flowy, light wool dress, and, feeling petty, cupped her hand under her belly to emphasize the size.
One of the hosts saw her coming and fetched her coat. “Thank you,” she murmured, slinging it around her shoulders as quickly as she could. The Fitzwilliam Hotel always had cars for hire. She would flag one down the moment she stepped outside.
Ciar wouldn’t stay stunned and silent for long. Not nearly long enough, as she heard him yell her name the moment he rounded the corner. She walked through the automatic glass doors right as Ciar pulled her back into the warmth of the hotel’s lobby.
“Gray, please. Please, for fuck’s sake, talk to me.” He spun her around until they faced one another. “I was shocked, but I never should have questioned who the father is.”
He took her hand and led her to a semi-secluded seating area near the front. Numbly, she sat next to him on a small sofa, the realization that the time for hiding was over, sinking in.
“No. You shouldn’t have. I haven’t been with anyone since you left.” He hated her bringing up when he left her, which is why she kept doing it.
“How, though? I mean, I know how, I just thought we were protected.”
“I don’t know if you remember, but right before the Colorado trip, I got so sick and stayed in Scotland to recover. Mom said I probably threw up some of my birth control pills. I never thought…” her voice tapered off.
“We never thought, Gray. We,” Ciar corrected.
They were turned into each other, knees touching, both of them probably wishing they could have this conversation somewhere more private.
He held his hands palms up between them. “Can I?”
When she nodded her consent, he placed his hands almost reverently on either side of her belly. The look of wonder on his face was beautiful.
“When are you due?”
“End of April. Mom was usually right around thirty-six weeks. You probably know this,” Gray tried to keep the sadness from her voice, “but if you push my belly a bit, he’ll likely give you a kick.”
