I steeled my jaw when wants and needs clashed, making my chest ache as indecision warred.
From Gray’s expression, he was worried about what I would decide. “Be at the office in a little over an hour,” he mutteredbefore ending the call. Then his voice lowered as he seemed to bare his soul in a simple but profound request. “Don’t make me do this without you.”
My eyes widened and my heart fumbled all over itself at the depth of his plea.
“Every detail I’ve been forced to do without you has felt wrong. Mylifefeels wrong when you aren’t there,” he corrected with a subtle slant of his head. “Which means so much about these last three months have felt wrong. Don’t make me miss this time with you that Ijust got, when you and I both know this is about to take allmy time.”
“You forced me to give you this time,” I reminded him, the words breathless and embarrassingly hopeful. “Also, it kinda feels like you’re cutting off blood flow.”
But the less-than brilliant response somehow earned me a brief, heart-stopping smile.
Still, instead of rushing to remove where his knees were pinning my arms down, Gray took his time moving as he countered, “You agreed to these two weeks,” being careful to switch out each knee with one of his hands and keeping his body far enough up on my torso, like he was sure I’d try to remove him at the first opportunity.
I wasn’t sure I could do anything at all with how jumbled my thoughts were.
“Don’t make me do this without you,” he repeated in a deceptively soft voice that seemed to speak to my very soul.
And I just lay there, staring up at this man I’d known for so long. This man I’d loved and agonized over. Who I’d laughed and fought with—who I’d broken over again and again. This man, who was talking to me and looking at me in a way he never had before.
And like the truly inept female I was, I skipped right past every confession and plea, and blurted out, “We need to leave.”
Gray waited, as if some part of him was desperately hoping for something else—even if just to say I’d go to Shadow with him—before he eventually gave a resigned dip of his head and pushed away from me.
“I’ll, uh...I’ll let everyone know we’re headed out,” he mumbled before walking toward the front door.
Swallowing past the knot of emotion in my throat, I stayed in place until the storm door shut behind Gray, then pushed to sitting and struggled to blink away the quick and hot tears blurring my vision.
I only allowed myself to cry when I was truly alone, and yet, there I was, vainly battling the weight in my stomach and the iron fists squeezing my lungs because he’d just spoken to me in a way that went so far past that Hudson Gray charm, and I’d more or less ignored it because I’d panicked.
At the sound of the storm door opening again, I hurriedly swiped at the lone tear that had managed to slip free. But the voice that sounded didn’t warm me from the inside, was only vaguely familiar, and was decidedly not male.
“So, how long have you been in love with Hudson?”
At the question, I forced myself to turn slowly, when really the implication made me want to whip around and spit out a denial. Sizing up Emberly as she sauntered toward me, my lips parted to do exactly that—deny—when she spoke again.
“You know,” she continued over me, “it’s common knowledge that I share too much about myself in any given conversation. However, some of the people I love most—my husband and sister, to be exact—need their thoughts to be their own. It kills me, obviously, but I’ve learned to understand it.”
Emberly gave me a meaningful look as she lowered herself to the porch near me. “So, this is me saying, I’ve watched you enough times to know you need thoughts to be your own. Unfortunately for you, giving people space really isn’t a strength of mine,” she said unapologetically. “Not unlike a certain guy who’s crazy about you.”
Another automatic denial crowded on my tongue at her claim, but I found I couldn’t force it to leave as my thoughts drifted back to just moments ago, with Gray’s face hovering directly over mine.
My pulse maintained a fast yet uneven pace when I remembered the way his fingers had drifted over mine. Soft and unassuming, yet the touch paired with his confessions these past days had shifted everything I’d ever known.
I just couldn’t figure out whathad brought on the sudden change.
This wasn’t the Gray who charmed women into his arms. This wasn’t evenmyGray. And it didn’t make sense for it to be in response to Wren or Tessa, or even those obnoxious women he’d run into at the festival. His typical response after bumping into a fling or shamelessly flirting with someone was to then infuriatingly flirt with me until I either shoved him away or stormed off to escape his antics.
Notthis.
Choking back the confusion and uncertainty andlonging, I briefly glanced at Emberly before looking at where the clouds had finally opened up to a steady rain. “You’re wrong,” I finally managed to say. “I’ve never been the one he’s crazy about.”
A startled laugh dripping with understanding burst from Emberly, forcing my attention back to her. “Right, so, I grew up with the Dixon boys, which means I grew up with Hudson Gray. I’ve had the immense displeasure ofwitnessinghim in action plenty of times.” An apologetic look briefly crossed her face. “And I can confidentlysay that boy has been crazy aboutyouandyou alonefrom the second you stepped into his life.”
It was an odd feeling to wantto believe her—evenstarttobelieve her. After all, my fickle heart wanted to believehim. But like every other time I’d let my thoughts run wild with possibilities of Hudson Gray, reality was quick to rip any feeble hope away.
I wondered if I’d ever be able to see anything other than him and every other woman.
The crippling self-doubt and damaging insecurities that had long become my companions whisperedno.
