“Soexcited. I mean, we were thinking it’d be a year or so, not immediate. And Asher’s terrified because I’ve been so sick, but we’re just—” A shuddering breath left her, her shoulders sagging a little in contentment. “We’re so excited.”
Pregnant. Got it.
“Congratulations,” I said, seeming to remind them that I was even there, given the twin looks of surprise.
“Thanks, Mallory,” Lainey said, recovering before Chloe, then added, “And I’m almost ten weeks, so we’re hoping this”—she waved over herself, indicating how she felt—“goes away soon.”
“Is it supposed to?” I found myself asking, once again earning a look of surprise from both women.
I would’ve been more self-conscious about my lack of knowledge with these things if they hadn’t given me these looks every time I’d spoken to them, even before today.
Just before Lainey graciously answered, Chloe’s head slanted to the side, her brow furrowing in suspicion and curiosity.
“Supposed to.Hopefully,” Lainey said on a desperate laugh. “Typically around twelve weeks. But I’ve been reading horror stories of women who go their whole pregnancy like this.”
I hummed in confirmation before deciding right then that I never wanted to get pregnant. Besides, how was I supposed to protect anyone, let alone myself, while pregnant?
“Pregnancy makes you weak, and bodies were made to be weapons.”
I shook my head and forced my dad’s words from my mind, then glanced back toward the entryway in time to notice the heavy silence pressing down on the room.
Awareness prickled on the back of my neck as I tilted my head to find Chloe and Lainey once again staring at me. But the stunned and uncomfortable expressions covering their faces then were enough to let me know I hadn’t justrememberedmy dad’s words.
I swallowed a curse. “I didn’t—that wasn’t directed at you. That was—” I forced another swallow as I tried to figure out a way to explain something that had always seemed so normal to me.
Well, I’d known for some time that my dad hadn’t been normal. But I’d only thought that had extended to how he’d raised my brothers and me, not how he’d treated my mom as well.
“My dad was...not kind,” I finally said. “He also had a very interesting way of viewing people and how they took care of themselves. He thought doing anything that didn’t prepare you for war was wasteful—that included having children. Which is funny, considering I’m the youngest of five.”
“That’s sad,” Chloe whispered.
I shrugged, then looked toward my escape again.
Nearly a minute passed before Chloe cleared her throat, cutting through the uncomfortable silence, and turned all her unending excitement on Lainey to ask, “Is that what made you realize you might be pregnant—the morning sickness? Or was it something else?”
“You’d think,” Lainey said with a hushed laugh. “But things have been incredibly hard with my dad’s health declining, and my parents demanding I take over the farm even more forcefully and harshly than before. So, I didn’t realize at first that my fatigue or nausea were from something other than stress. Then my coffee started tasting off, and I thought it was our espresso machine.” She pressed a hand to her face, trying to hide her embarrassed smile.
I couldn’t help but make note of everything Lainey was saying while also making my own personal list against it, even though I’d already ruled it out earlier.
Fatigue. Nausea. Taste.
Yeah, I was fine.
Relief eased some of the strain in my chest as Lainey added, “It’s kind of embarrassing that I didn’t realize anything was going on until I missed my period that month.”
“You shouldn’t be embarrassed,” Chloe started saying, just as the words, “You get yours every month?” thoughtlessly burst from me.
There were those shocked stares again.
Wide, unblinking eyes stared back at me before Lainey said, “Yes,” the word dragging out and sounding like a question. “Don’t you?”
“No.” My answer was quick and firm, but still sounded as confused as Lainey’s.
Just as I started wondering if there was something wrong with me, I wondered what was wrong withthem? Getting it every month? That sounded awful.
“Well, that actually makes sense,” Lainey said, her words slow at first, and then picking up speed as she continued. “You train incredibly hard. From what you told me, you’ve sort of been training like this since you were little, right?”
“Right,” I said on a slight delay as I realized itwasactually something wrong with me. And, once again, it all stemmed from the way I’d been raised.
