“Oh no. You’re right. I forgot the grand finale.”
Kai’s eyes widened. “Uncle. Don’t.”
But Tane ignored him. “When the pastor tried to restore order, what did young Kai do? Climbed onto the edge of the stage, lifted his shepherd’s staff like a battle-axe, and shouted—”
Tane took a deep breath.
“‘YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, I’M FROM THE WILDERNESS!’”
I absolutely lost it.
I had to curl up with my forehead on my knees because I genuinely thought I was going to pass out from laughing so much.
Kai swore under his breath. “It wasn’t — okay, it waskind oflike that, but—”
“No,” I gasped, wiping away tears. “No just — oh my God — ‘I’m from the wilderness?’”
He scrubbed a hand down his face, looking defeated. “I grew up near the bush. It made sense at the time.”
I sat back up, still breathless. “You dramatic little menace.”
Kai glared at his uncle. “You’re supposed to love me.”
“I do,” Tane countered cheerfully. “It’s why I share.”
I pointed between them. “More. I need more of these.”
Kai closed his eyes and slowly shook his head.
Tane pretended to consider. “Well … there’s also the incident with the drop bears—”
Kai sat bolt upright. “Not that one.”
I tilted my head, relishing the fear in his eyes. “Drop bears?”
Tane grinned. “Oh, this one’s a masterpiece.”
Kai muttered a prayer, his accent so thick I didn’t understand a single word.
Tane leaned in, resting his elbows on his knees, and I did the same because if this was the warm-up, I fully expected the next story was probably about Kai accidentally triggering a small-scale natural disaster at age nine.
“Alright,” Tane declared. “Eleven-year-old Kai, a camping trip, and one extremely gullible—”
Kai hid his face behind his hands.
I smiled with wicked delight. “Continue.”
Tane leaned back in his chair as though he had been waiting his whole life for me to ask him to tell this story.
Meanwhile, Kai slid lower and lower in his seat until his chin nearly hit his chest. If he could have melted through the living room floor and escaped into the crawl space, he would have.
“So,” Tane began, clasping his hands together like a schoolteacher addressing a very slow class, “drop bears.”
I blinked. “Please tell me that’s not a real thing.”
“It’s not,” Kai snapped immediately, lifting his head just enough to send his uncle a murderous look. “It’s not real, Tori.”
Tane nodded solemnly. “He’s right. They’re absolutely not real. Though Kai, at age eleven, was not aware of that.”
