While I rip the tape sealing the box, I also flip Pa’s picture so he’s facing away from me.
I’ve officially reached a new low. My morals have completelygone out of the window, and all it took was an annoying dentist and an empty stomach.
As I’m about to reach for the first siopao, I jump when the bathroom door slams open out of nowhere. I carefully walk through the corridor and find the room empty.
My heart thumps faster when the ceiling lights start flickering.
Seeing Ma obsess over these superstitions made me anxious around them too. Even when my rational mind picks away at the missing logic, I still get paranoid when I don’t follow Ma’s pamahiin properly.
Come on, Nika. The lights blink all the time. It’s just the electricity.
But to be safe, I check the living room, the bedroom, and the bathroom again. Despite confirming many times that I’m alone in the condo, that feeling of being followed never lifts.
The front door is locked, the windows are shut, there’s nothing under the beds. Once I return to the kitchen, I reach for my siopao and accidentally knock Pa’s portrait off the table. My heart stops when I pick it up and stare at the slightly cracked picture frame.
…
…
Why is Pa smiling?!
I rub my eyes and it doesn’t change. I’ve looked at this photo for years and Pa was always frowning in this picture every single time.
Shit. Isn’t this what happened to the girl at the beginning of thePagpagmovie… right before her dead boyfriend popped up?
Then I remember the whole reason for the pagpag pamahiin:If you don’t make a pit stop, spirits will follow you home.
I quickly go inside my room and plug in Pa’s old phone.When it comes to life, I check its activity: recent messages, calls, Google searches. There’s nothing new.
Opening his messages app, I type:are you here?
My finger hovers before I send it—almost expecting a text bubble to appear, signaling that someone else is typing.
…
What. is. wrong. with me.
I am a woman of science, a woman who stands by research! These are all side effects of hunger and guilt. Slapping myself out of this nonsense, I leave the phone, the picture frame, and quickly wrap the siopao back up and stuff it inside the box. When I leave the unit and head to the elevator, I resist the urge to check over my shoulder. I don’t think about the constant feeling that someone’s still following me all the way to Unit 3H.
“Auntie!” I say when Auntie Baby opens the door. I’ve never been so relieved to see another human being.
“Annika?” Auntie Baby steps out. “Di ho se bo? Why aren’t you at the memorial?”
“I’m good, I’m good! I was just going to drop off something for Seph.” I lift the siopao box for evidence.
A huge smile lights up her face at the mention of her son’s name. “Wow, how sweet naman! You’re giving gifts to each other!”
“Actually, this is from Ma—”
Auntie Baby is already hurrying me inside her unit where I see Auntie Grace sitting at the kitchen table. When Auntie Grace waves me over to join her, I have to walk past the “Moseph King” shrine. Auntie Baby’s condo unit has an entire shelf that’s dedicated to all of Seph’s achievements. There are soccer medals, framed report cards, his blown-up elementary school graduation photo.
Just in case you ever forget that Seph was once a child actor,the top shelf is decorated with pictures from his plays, the jersey he wore from theHigh School MusicalTrumpets production, and a signed movie poster ofPagpag: Nine Lives.
Auntie Baby offers me a chair and then hands me water in a mug with Seph’s signature line: “My heart is yours!”
“Seph just came home from rehearsal, but he’ll be ready soon. Grace and I were just looking through our old yearbook.” Auntie Baby then purses her lips. “I keep telling your mom to pick hers up since it’s been collecting dust in the alumni office for years.”
“Auntie, is that you?” My eyes widen when I see a younger Auntie Grace look-alike in a leotard posing on top of a six-person pyramid.
