You would think that forgoing all her beliefs would turn Ma into a jittery mess, but she’s the definition of calm and composed.
She calmly led us to Pa’s grave, calmly lit the incense, calmly walked back to the car, and is currently calmly driving us home. Plot twist: The one who’s the actual jittery mess is my sister. From the back of the car, I can hear Achi’s deep breathing in the passenger seat. She’s been huffing and puffing like a woman in labor.
I bump the back of her seat with my knee. “Why do you sound like you’re choking?”
Her voice is out of breath when she asks. “Can we stop for a CR break?”
“When we get back to the condo, you can go up to use the bathroom first,” Ma answers, her eyes never leaving the road.
“What about food?” Achi lifts her chin so our eyes meet in the rearview mirror. “Niks, do you wanna stop at Potato Corner?”
My sister just initiated getting fast food. I thought the world would end before this ever happened.
Against my own cravings, I tell my sister that we can’t stop for fries. “We’re not supposed to pagpag. The whole point is that we’re going straight home so that Pa follows us there.”
Has my sister’s mind been floating this whole time? Ma and I have been discussing nonstop about how if we can’t find Pa anywhere, maybe breaking pagpag again will bring him back to us. I don’t get why she’s acting like she never received the point of our mission.
Unless… is she sabotaging the mission on purpose?
“Do you not wanna see Pa?”
She gaslights me in response. “What’re you talking about?”
“You’re distracting Ma with CR breaks and french fries.”
“My bad for thinking you might be hungry,” she says with a scoff. “Even before seeing Dr. Broso, you wanted pancit canton.”
Achi and I yelp when the car suddenly swerves, and Ma parks on the side of the road. Since when did my mother drive like she’s in one of thoseFast & Furiousmovies?! “Nika is seeing Dr. Broso?” Ma darts her eyes at Achi and me.
“No!” we both deny while my heart is still pounding.
“It’s what kids Nika’s age say, Ma,” Achi says.
“R-right.”
Judging from my sister’s silence, I’m assuming she’s leaving it up to me to explain.
“When Achi said I’mseeingDr. Broso…” I think and clear my throat. “It’s not like seeing, like getting therapy. It’s like when I’m seeing someone, I think they’re cool.”
Ma stays silent while Achi looks at me like I’m not the one salvaging her stupid excuse.
“Since Dr. Broso is so accomplished, ‘I’m seeing Dr. Broso’ issort of a compliment,” I ramble away. “And like you, Ma, with your bakery. My classmates would also say, hey, auntie, I’mseeingyou.”
The only thing I wish I’m seeing is an exit to this conversation.
A beat passes before Ma sighs. “You’re really terrible at lying, Nika.”
“I… I’m not…”
Am I supposed to defend my “I’m seeing you” explanation or the fact that I’m actually an excellent liar?
Then my sister, for no reason, throws me under the bus. “That’s why I keep telling you, Niks, to not make up so many stories—”
“Isa ka pa.” Ma cuts Achi off. “Don’t pretend that you don’t hide things from me too.”
Achi stammers. “Ma, I never—”
“When you help out with the bakery, I know you don’t charge the company. I know you’ve inquired about renting out your condo and asked the bank about my retirement fund planning. I know you borrowed my superstition notebook because you were nervous about your GRE exam.
