“My brother. My twin.”
“I know who Jaeger is. Why did you think that?”
“Because I tried to kill him.” She gives me a questioning look, and I continue. “It happened when we were in the fighting rings. We were champions. Crowd favorites. Maestro sometimes allowed us weapons or gave our opponents a weapon and us nothing. We’d have to use our wits.”
“That’s not fair,” she says. “It sounds like you were gladiators.”
“Yes. One day, Maestro pitted us against each other. I learned later he billed the fight as a final match between twin brothers.” My voice sounds flat, like I’m talking about last night’s baseball game. “He gave me a knife, and Jaeger got nothing.”
Bella sucks in a breath but says nothing.
“I think he thought that I had been in more fights, so I was more popular.”
“You said you didn’t want Jaeger to fight.”
“I didn’t. I would get into trouble, so Maestro would put me in the ring more often.”
“Did that work?”
I shrug. “It did.” But then, after the fight, I would be punished. I’m not ready to talk about that yet. “Jaeger was good, but I was better. Maestro wanted me to kill him. So I did. Except I pulled back at the last second. While he was bleeding out, I walked up to Maestro to claim my victory, and then I stabbed him through the eye.”
“Good. I’m glad he’s dead.” She looks so fierce, I want to smile. My bloodthirsty bride. “Then what happened?”
“I got us out of there. The crowd was on my side, you see. I knew they would respect their champion. Atticus saved Jaeger.”
“Atticus—”
“He was there. He was apprenticing with the man who always patched us up, and Atticus had learned to bind our wounds. Stop the bleeding. He and his mentor developed ways to heal us faster, make us strong.” I make a fist and flex my bicep. I’ve put on weight since those lean fighting days. Maestro never fed us enough. Now my muscles are bulkier, but I’m still strong. The veins cord on my arms when I flex.
Bella shifts in her seat. Her fingers twitch, like she wants to touch me. But she doesn’t move.
She won’t touch me anymore.
I miss it. I’d give anything for her to touch me again.
“After that, we went back to Father Francis. Met up with St. James and Damien and joined Fraternitas.”
“Damien?”
“The Devil. Don’t tell anyone.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll wait until you forget you’ve told me, then use it against you.” She sounds like she’s joking, but I know she’s not.
“Bella,” I turn to her.
“So he forgave you? Jaeger?”
I remember the point of my whole story. “Yes. I thought he was angry with me, but he never mentioned it. Then last Christmas, we talked, and he said he understood why I did it. I did it to save him. To save us both. He said there was nothing to forgive.” I’ll never forget the weight that rolled off me that day. It allowed me to start living again.
I also had to apologize for the way I treated his woman, but that’s another story.
I should apologize for beating him outside the Poisoner’s house earlier. And to Elodie, for doing my best to fuck up her man’s face.
Maybe next Christmas.
“I don’t know if it’s a good idea for you to talk to your father. But one day, you might ask him what he thinks of you. I think you’ll be surprised.”
She sighs. “I know what he thinks of me. That I’m a spoiled brat who does what she wants and doesn’t think of the consequences.”
