“No.” She lays her head on the pillow and stares at the ceiling. I know she’s recovering, but it feels like she’s shutting me out. “Keep him away.”
“He would want to see you.”
“His life is better without me in it.”
I begin to protest, but she says, “No, it’s true.” She sounds tired. “He blamed me for her death. And he’s right to. I’m the reason she was murdered.”
32
Kaiser
I can’t believe what I’m hearing. I try to remember what I know about Shoshonna Bosco’s death. It was in the files St. James gave me when I started the job.
“It was a turf war,” I say. “Someone wanted your father to work for them. He told them no, and they refused to take no for an answer. They had men on you. Following you.”
Bella stares into the distance, not really seeing anything. I don’t know if she’s even listening.
I try again. “You were five. It wasn’t your fault. It couldn’t have been.” I move my hand closer, and she flinches away from my touch, coming awake again.
“It was my fault we were out in the first place. I wanted to go see the ducks. Mama said no, but I threw a fit and she took me to the park. That’s when they found us. The bad men. We left as soon as she noticed them, but it was too late. They followed us. She didn’t think she could make it home, so she went to the closest place she could hide. One of our nurseries. It had a warehouse where Papa grew the most poisonous plants. That’s where she hid me…”
I stare at her, feeling a growing sense of dread. I want to stop her, to tell her it’s okay. But I want to listen. I want to know her. I want to know everything.
“I remember…” she says and trails off. She’s far away, gone back in time. A little girl, clinging to her mother.
“What do you remember?”
“She must have been terrified. But she didn’t show it. She told me it was a game. We were going to play a game. I was to hide and be very quiet. No matter what. Until Papa found me. She left me there. She told me she loved me and to be good for her and hide. And she left.
“I didn’t find out what happened until later. She drew them away from the room, and they killed her right in the warehouse. I heard voices—men I didn’t know—but they didn’t come into the room marked as dangerous. They left her body for my father to find.”
“They didn’t find you.” I know that much. I also know they spent hours torturing Shoshonna before leaving her body for her husband to find. “I was so quiet,” Bella whispers. “I was good for her. I waited for hours hidden in the plants. The grow lights turned off. I fell asleep… My father found me. I was barely conscious. He carried me out of the warehouse. I remember the cool air on my face.”
Bella’s father must have carried her right past her mother’s body. “And then we were hiding. I was in a coma for days. Then I woke up and cried for Mama, and my father told me she was dead.”
I flinch. Bella was just a child.
“That’s why he hates me.”
“He doesn’t?—”
“It’s okay, Kaiser.” As much as I love the sound of my name on her lips, I wish she’d use a dumb nickname. “He does. I’ve accepted it.”
“You can’t blame yourself.” She’s carrying a heavy burden, and I don’t know how to fix it. “Tell me what to do. Anything, I’ll do it.” Maybe she’ll name her mother’s killers. St. James couldn’t find out who was behind the hit. He told me he thought the Poisoner might know, but no one else ever found out.
“There’s nothing you can do.” She shrugs. “It was a long time ago.”
“The things that happen long ago still matter. They shape us.” I flex my hands. The tattoos over the scars. “I know this.”
She’s watching. She’s right next to me, swathed in a blanket, but she feels so far away. What can I do?
Father Francis would tell me to open up to her.
Telling her about my past will feel like I’m carving out my heart, but if it makes Bella feel better, I’ll butcher myself right now.
“For a long time, I thought Jaeger hated me.”
She blinks. “What?”
