“Were you friends?”
“No. I only met him once. I watched him a lot, though. With Juana. I always knew he’d die for her, and I guess he did in the end.”
Embry was quiet a moment, tracing patterns on my arm. “Juana showed me one of the sketch pads with my tattoos in. Your kid is crazy talented, just like you.”
“She’s better than me.”
“Becauseof you.” Embry’s touch travelled to my neck and my jaw, stroking my face with his fingertips. “I know you think you’re a shit dad, but you’re the best she could have. Every day I’ve spent with her, I see more and more of you. She’s so fucking sweet.”
“That’s all Juana.”
Embry snorted. “Can I ask you something?”
Wariness invaded the bubble I’d built around us. “Okay.”
“If you could fix everything to be perfect, how would it be?”
“With Liliana?”
“With everything. What do you want? What’s your dream?”
I’d heard him ask other brothers that before, but never me. I’d figured he knew I didn’t have any dreams, only nightmares, but as the question sank in, the answer came to mind as if it’d always been there. “I want to live with you, in a house like Cam’s, and Lili and Juana in their own across the street or next door. If they wanted to be... Honestly, my biggest dream for them has always been that they get to choose.”
“Would you follow Juana if she left?”
“She won’t leave. After this, if we’re not all dead, she wants Lili to be where I am, and I need to be here. I, uh... even before you, I never felt safe anywhere but here. She knows that and she loves me.”
“I know she does.” Embry held my gaze like he had more to say, but the moment passed and he rolled onto his back again. “What’s going on at home? I keep pretending nothing’s happening, but I can’t do that with you right in front of me. It’s too hard.”
My fingers itched to smoke. I rolled off the couch and padded, naked, to the kitchen, the light from the oven reminding me that there was something unidentified that we were supposed to be eating.
Something that was gonna burn if I didn’t rescue it soon.
I found a cloth and opened the oven. A bubbling dish that was fast turning dark,darkbrown greeted me.
Shit. I yanked it out and dumped it on the thick wooden chopping board. It still smelled good, but it needed to simmer down before we even thought about eating it.
I let it be and grabbed my joint and lighter, sparking up as I took the ashtray with me back to the living room.
Embry was still on his back, staring at the ceiling, but he’d pulled his jeans on.
I passed him the joint and did the same. “Dinner’s ready. Needs a few minutes to settle down.”
“Is it lasagne?”
“No clue. Didn’t ask.”
“Dick.”
“Chill. I’m putting it away.”
“I love this.” Embry stuck the blunt in his mouth and gestured between us. “I thought it was going to be difficult forever, but it gets easier every time, like Alexei said it would.”
“Alexei?”
“I told him some stuff earlier today. Not on purpose. He caught me at a moment, you know? Asked the right question and it all came out.”
I finished tugging my jeans up my legs and sat on the edge of the couch. “I never thought it’d be Alexei you’d spill to, but it’s probably good that you did.”
