Rubi rolled his eyes. “Really? That’s what you’re going with?”
“How else do you see it? We’re already fighting a war we ain’t got resources for. You think we can take on another international cartel on top of that?”
“So what?” Rubi snapped. “You hand them over so this crazy cunt can kill ourbrotherand his family?”
Cam glowered. “That’s not what I said.”
“Might as well have. If it was as easy as hitting the road, we’d never have fucking met him.”
Rubi’s growled statement barrelled into me. I forced myself to sit up, waving away Decoy’s helping hand.
Cam waited for me.
I couldn’t.
He skipped over me to Decoy. “You need to speak now, then get the fuck out before you hear too much.”
Decoy’s nod was grim. “I’m in no hurry to leave my kids without a father, but if it comes to it, I’ll fight for the brother who taught me how to sharpen crayons so my daughter didn’t stab herself in the face with them.”
Rubi banged his fist on the table as Decoy rose and left the chapel. “That’s what I’m saying.”
Cam rounded on him again, eyes flashing. “Why, brother? Every day we wage these fucking wars takes you further from everything you love.”
“I know that.” Pain flickered in Rubi’s eyes. “But Mats has followed us into pandemonium since day one, and look how much he had riding on not getting killed. That means something to me. It has to, or I ain’t fit to love anyone.”
Cam absorbed that and moved onto Nash, who sat with his face hidden in hands, for once impossible to read. “And you, brother?”
Nash made a frustrated sound. He dropped his hands and shook his head. “I don’t understand how this happened.”
For a horrible moment, I thought Nash was going to cry, and it burned me up more than any knife to my guts ever could.
Go to him.
Do your job.
I didn’t move.
“I made promises,” Nash choked out. “To people I love, that one day they wouldn’t have to lie awake worrying I wouldn’t come home. How are we further away from that than ever? It makes no fucking sense.”
Rubi rubbed his shoulder. “We hear you, bro. Vote with your heart.”
“I am, which is why it fucking hurts so much. Cos I’ve gotta go back out there and have her call me a liar.”
Nash’s vote stood beside Rubi and Decoy’s.
Saint’s was silent, but undeniable.
“What about you?” Cam asked Alexei.
Alexei shrugged. “It is not the easy choice either way, and there are far stronger bonds in this room than mine and Mateo’s, but I will say this. Carlos Esteban is a butcher. If Mateo falls into his hands again, there is no doubt in my mind what will happen to him, and that, biker boy, will kill you before any bullet reaches your foolish heart.”
It was a non-answer of sorts, but Cam let it go.
His glower reached me across the table, the only vote left but his. Had he left me till last by design? So he could single me out and pick me apart until I was nothing but charred fucking bones?
Mother of Christ, I wanted to smoke. Without Decoy and Mateo flanking me, I felt more alone than ever, but even the thought of lighting up brought a brand-new wave of nausea to my gut.
“Leave him be,” Nash said. “It’s not fair.”
