“Got plenty of time to do it then, haven’t I?”
“You don’t need to be here.”
Tanner eyes the way I’m white-knuckling a brick wall. Says nothing with actual words, but his silent counter argument irritates me.
“Youdon’t. I’m good with a roommate. Stay in my bed all night long.”
“Doesn’t mean we’re not here if you need us.”
“I don’t need you. That’s the point. Go light your fire pit at the cabin and bang under the stars, man.”
Tanner can’t deny that’s what he wants to do. He’s told me before that being outdoors with Jax, naked or not, is every dream he’s ever had come true. And I know how hot they are for each other. I’ve heard it.
Seen it.
Thought about it a lot until…fuck. Until I met Joss.
Does that mean something? Was I into listening to them bang without even realizing? If I hadn’t been underwater with PTSD, would I have had my cock in my hand the second I heard Tanner’s deep groan rattling the walls?
Thinking about it makes looking at him a complex beast. I need out, but there’s a crowded bar between me and the door to my apartment and the zip in my blood is toxic as hell.
I swallow.
Tanner frowns and interprets half of my problem. “Come on. I’ll walk with you.”
I shake my head. However spooked I am, I don’t want to leave Joss. “I’m good, man.”
“Sure? We can—”
“Dude, I’m fine.” I step around him and slip back into the kitchen.
Joss and Jax are by the smoker. Joss is smiling, but Jax is frowning the same frown as Tanner, and I don’t like it any better.
I go back to the sink and rinse some of the dishes Joss has used.
Joss catches me. “Oi. Don’t clean up after me.”
I flick water in his general direction. Hit Jax instead, and it breaks the spell between them.
Mission complete. I’m a fuckin’ basket case, but I’ve got his back. Today, tomorrow. For however long I’m lucky enough to have him in my life.
11
JOSS AND KAI
JOSS
My days are long. Tanner’s boss wants to open the kitchen on his fella’s birthday, and there’s so much to do my brain starts to melt out of my ears.
I don’t take Monday off. I get up early and finish testing the dessert options from the menu. Throw a carton of disgusting nut cream into the dumpster by the back door and fall down the rabbit hole of making my own from a fresh coconut.
It comes together on my third attempt. It’s perfect, but the irony is a kick in the dick. Sometimes it seems the only way I get anything done is to have something more important I’m supposed to be doing.
Also, I miss Kai, and I shouldn’t. But I’ve grown used to him hanging out in the kitchen, watching me work in that quiet way of his. Watchingme, as if I fascinate him.
I shouldn’t fascinate him. I’m not special. Not like him. I’ve been listening to people talk about him. Molly. Tanner. Jax. Other faces I don’t have names for. And the more I hear, the more I know for certain that he’s ten times the man I’ll ever be, and it has nothing to do with how tall he is.
Kai Fletcher is a fuckinghero. The details are sketchy, but if I can believe the legends…Jesus. I don’t deserve to breathe the same air as him.
