Kai drives on to the remote parking spot where he wants to start our hike. It’s next to a stream he calls a creek, and there’s a rustic shack buried in the trees. “That’s my house,” he drops casually, like it’s a shop he buys socks from twice a year.
“Your what?”
“My house. I don’t live there at the moment.”
“Yeah, I kinda figured that by the ten-foot streak of carpenter I share a bathroom with.”
“Something wrong with the bathroom?”
“It’s too fucking clean. You seriously live here? I mean, when you, like, live here?”
Kai sighs. “Iusedto live here. Not sure if I will again. I’m thinking of selling it. Or renting it on Airbnb.”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask why, but I swallow it down. The answer is obvious, even to my chaotic brain. Living here is his old life, and he doesn’t know if he’s built for it anymore. If he can look back without the shitty in-between sucking him dry.
I get that. I don’t like it. But I understand. “It looks nice,” I say instead. “Maybe you should rent it, though. Don’t slam doors, man. Not on things that made you feel good once upon a time.”
With that nugget of wisdom, I turn away from the shack and face the trail. I expect him to step around me and lead the way, but he comes up behind me. There’s a split second before he speaks. A microscopic moment in time before he put his hands on my shoulders and turns me slightly east.
“It’s this way.” He extends his long arm and points. “Follow the water.”
9
JOSS
“What kind of branch are you looking for?”
Kai’s stare is intense. He’s not looking at me like I’ve grown two heads like some people do. He’s listening. He wants to know.
Suppressing a smile, I glance around the glade we’ve come across on our hike. It smells like the woodland back home, but it’svasthere. So. Much. Space. So much energy. I’ve already taken my boots off, just for a moment, to feel the earth at my feet. Between my toes. In a world where I need pharmaceuticals to survive, this shit is important. “Any branch. As long it’s already fallen and it’s not too big. I’m gonna be inside a lot, so I can’t be swinging a jousting stick around.”
Kai chuckles and goes back to searching the ground. I should too, but there’s a part of me that wants the branchhefinds for me. One that’s connected to us both. So I don’t look too hard. I listen to the birds and the critters, and I wait, and eventually, he appears in front of me. “There’s a fallen boxelder over there. Come see.”
He grabs my arm like it’s nothing and tugs me along.
I go and try not to die at how good his hands feel on me. Rough. Warm. He says I have lava in my palms, but what about the intoxicating vibrations in his? It ain’t new-age crap. It’s fact. His touch does something to me, and I know as long as I’m here, I’ll seek it out.
Kai shows me the fallen tree. It’s massive. You don’t realize how big a tree is until it’s no longer standing, and the branches and twigs are on the ground. It’s a twisted metaphor, I guess. When something substantial falls, it leaves a mess. Trees. Governments.Beliefs. It’s never neat. Whether you see it or not, there’s debris, and you need to care about it.
“What about this one?” Kai holds up, naturally, the perfect branch. It’s gnarly and frayed at each end, but just the right size for waving around indoors.
I hurdle the trunk to land where he’s standing. The sudden movement seems to surprise him, but his earnest half smile doesn’t falter.
“You like it?”
I take it from him and twirl it in my fingers. It whooshes through the fresh air, and I move my arm a bit more, feeling the blood start to flow, my world quiet, and the connection I’ve made with this beautiful place manifest as something deeper.
Kai watches me move, his gaze molten. Curious. “This is like a giant fidget spinner?”
“Mostly. The bloke who got me into them probably intended it to be more spiritual, but for me, it controls my excess energy and makes me as calm as I’m ever gonna get.”
“Show me?”
Under the weight of Kai’s gaze, I spin the branch faster, but keep it smooth, shifting my whole body through every movement. With my feet bare to the earth it feels so fucking good. My joints loosen and my head clears. My breathing becomes a metronome of tranquility. Everything quiets except the birds in the trees and the rush of the water.
The thud of my heart as I slow to find Kai still watching me with his bottomless stare.
I come to a stop and lower the fallen branch. I feel like there’s more to say, but I don’t know what. Or how. My body is devoid of tics in a moment where I need one to clear whatever the hell is thrumming between us.
