I come back restless and dig my tiny fidget spinner from my pocket. I’ve neglected it in recent days, too caught up in Kai—being with him, daydreaming about him. But with him battered and bruised, my mind needs the distraction. I stand at the big window and spin and spin and spin.
At dawn, I watch the sunrise. Then I gather the supplies Tanner and Jax packed in their goodie bag.
I build another fire, outside this time, in the fire pit made from an old petrol tank. My eyes are scratchy and raw, but cooking is therapy, man. I make flatbread with the yoghurt and random bag of flour. Then I flame-grill bacon and bake tomatoes in an old plant pot.
My phone buzzes to life as I’m finishing up. I tuck it under my ear and take the bacon pan from the fire. “Hey.”
Tanner’s rough voice greets me. “Everything okay?”
I glance inside. Kai is still asleep on the couch. He hasn’t cut his hair since we met, and it’s fallen in his face, brown and wavy.
Soft.
“Joss?”
“Shit, sorry. Yeah, everything’s fine. Kai’s asleep. He took a Xanax last night and passed out.”
“He say anything?”
“Nothing I shouldn’t have already known.”
“Sounds heavy.”
I tear my gaze from Kai and step away from the house, drifting towards the bubbling creek. This early with just the birds for company, it’s picture perfect. The only thing missing is him. “It wasn’t heavy. Just overdue and unfinished. I’m waiting for him to wake up.”
Tanner hums, and I know he understands. That perhaps he knew Kai loved me before I did.
Before Kai did, even.
“I know it was a crazy night last night,” Tanner says. “But have you thought any more about what we talked about yesterday?”
“The job?”
“Yeah. Joss, we want you to stay. Harrison will literally pay you anything you want.”
“It’s not about the money.” Though I can’t deny the hefty debt I’ve carried halfway across the world is disintegrating with every paycheck Tanner deposits in my account. A job with a room and a stocked kitchen means my overheads are zero. I pay for my phone. That’s it. “What if I fuck it up?”
I’m not talking about the job. Tanner knows it, and his quiet, rumbling laugh is kind.
“Youwillfuck it up. You think I don’t a thousand times a day? That Jax doesn’t? Even Kai isn’t perfect. We’re human. We’re supposed to mess everything up. It’s how we learn and grow, and deep down, you know that. It’s what you’d say to me if we flipped this conversation on its head.”
“Is it?”
“Think so. You’re just flailing right now because Kai’s not with you. It’ll make sense when he wakes up and the first thing he looks for is you. That shit never gets old. The way Jax rolls over and reaches for me before he’s even conscious.” Tanner blows out a breath laden with emotion.
It gets to me, and I realize it’s probably the most we’ve ever said to each other. I want to thank him for trusting me, but the words stick in my throat.
I sniff and rub my eyes. “When do you want me to start, boss?”
“That’s a yes, then?”
Of course it is. “Sign me up.”
Tanner promises to email a new contract later that day. Then he tells me to take three days off work. He gives no indication of how he plans to run the kitchen without me, but as much as I love my job, I don’t care.
Sensing movement behind me, I lower the phone and spin around.
Kai is right there, disheveled, dazed, and beautiful. His groggy gaze drops to my phone and hurt crosses his face before I can speak.
