Everything you need for a day or so. Call if you need us — T&J x
How they knew we’d wind up here, who the fuck knows, but as I unzip the carefully buried wash bag and find the medication among the toothbrushes, I love those guys almost as much as I love Kai.
I take the bag inside and dump it on the narrow kitchen counter.
Kai is at the back window, staring out at the bubbling creek.
I wonder if he’d rather be out there. If being cooped up after being trapped in a collapsed construction site is messing with his head. But he turns before I can ask him and fixes me with the most present gaze I’ve seen from him since he stumbled out of that fucking building.
“I need to tell you something,” he says.
“Okay.” I take his hands. “You wanna sit down?”
“No. I want—fuck, I need to tell you I love you, Joss. I know we’re just friends and you’re leaving and you were always going to fuckin’ leave, and that’s okay, but fuck,dude. I need you to know—”
He breaks off, breathless and blinking.
As if he can’t quite believe the words spilling out of his mouth.
But his tightening grip on me speaks his truth.
He loves me.
Fucking-A. I feel like I’ve been holding my breath my entire life. Holding my muscles too tight. My brain too gnarled and knotted. But being with Kai, right here, right now, even with the weight of something horrible bearing down on him, it’s so fucking simple.
Helovesme.
And I love him too.
So tell him.
“I—”
He’s shaking. I feel it in my hands as he grits his teeth and fights to hold himself together. Brutal tremors wrack his body and color drains from his face.Something’s wrong.
The thought manifests as he takes a shuddering inhale. For a moment, I think he might puke, then it dawns on me that this crisis isn’t physical. At least, it didn’t start that way. Delayed shock? I don’t know.Help him feel safe.
I release one hand and draw him away from the window. He comes willingly, and I take him to the couch and sit him down.
It’s a big couch for the small house. L-shaped, chocolate brown, and covered in the same blankets and pillows we fucked off his bed a few weeks ago. “Take your boots off.”
I’d do it for him, but he needs to do something with his hands. Keep busy while I take care of everything else.
It’s a warm night, but he’s ice cold. I build a fire and light it. Then I dig through the bag Tanner and Jax left and find everything I need to make tea.Love them.
I take two mugs to the couch.
Kai is watching the flames dance, one foot free of its boot, the other still laced up tight.
I drop to a crouch in front of him. In the life we led before this moment, I might’ve smirked, or made a joke that made his neck flush. But our present matters. I unlace his boot. Ease it from his foot and set it aside.
Then I rest my elbows on his knees. I have a pill in my left palm. I uncurl my fingers to show him. “Wanna pop a Xanax and fall asleep in my lap?”
Kai’s eyes redden, and he slowly nods. “Yeah. I think I do.”
That’s what he does. I give him the pill. He swallows it, then we curl up on the couch and he falls into the blissful kind of sleep you only get with synthetic assistance. I’m kind of jealous, but then, I get to watch him, to card my fingers through his soft hair and whisper nice things in his ear while I watch him dream, so maybe I have nothing to be jealous of.
The night wears on. Kai doesn’t stir. Eventually, I need to piss, so I ease out from beneath him and visit his teeny-tiny bathroom.
