“Is that why he OD’d? Because he hadn’t been using and his tolerance was lower?”
“Maybe. I try not to think about it anymore. Drove me half-crazy at first.”
“Man, I’m sorry.” Fen threw me a contrite glance. “Tell me to shut up if I dig too hard, okay? I’m too nosy for my own good.”
“Is that what this is? You being nosy?” If it was, I wanted a turn.
Fen’s only answer was the packet of bacon he slapped on the kitchen counter. “I hope you like sandwiches because I pretty much live on them.”
Worked for me. I watched him fry bacon and butter bread while I gave him the short version of how I’d messed up enough to wind up stranded in his house with him for however long it took the road to clear. “It never occurred to me to check the weather. It’s been such a chaotic year, I forgot it was even winter.”
The lights on Fen’s tree changed their pattern, flickering in a rhythm that made my eyes twitch.
Fen chuckled. “You can blame Addie for that too. He couldn’t decide which one he liked so we set it to random.”
“My nephew decorated your Christmas tree?”
“And your niece. It was payment for the Norway spruce I gave Paddy to haul back up to their place.”
“That was nice of you.”
“They’re nice people.”
“I know. That’s why I came here.”
“To leave Charlie with Safia?”
The bacon was done. Fen fished it from the pan and placed it on the thick bread. He already knew I liked ketchup instead of brown sauce because we’d had that debate on the wing with an anxious inmate, a diversion technique that had worked far better than anything I’d ever learned from a textbook.
He passed me a plate and a bottle of Heinz.
I doctored my butty and pulled a face at the HP sauce he preferred. “That shit tastes like pickled onions.”
“And your point?”
“It’s disgusting.”
“All right, lad. Enjoy your jam on bread.”
The familiar exchange almost distracted me from the fact that Fen clearly knew the youngest members of my family better than I did. Then an ornament on the tree caught my eye. It was made of a cardboard tube and had eight faces drawn on it with crayon. Names were scrawled beneath each one:Mummo, Dadda, Addie, Mae, Uncle Rama, Uncle Damon, baby Charlie, and…Uncle Fen.He was the last face drawn next to mine, though with the purple beard the artist had given him, I’d never have guessed. Sandwich forgotten, I drifted to the tree and hooked the cardboard tube free from its branch. “How long have you had my portrait hanging in your kitchen?”
Fen frowned. “What?”
I held up the tube, turning so that his face and mine were on full display. “Missed me that much, eh? You could’ve, like, messaged me for nudes instead.”
A beat of silence thudded between us and I wondered if I’d gone too far. For all Fen liked to flirt, he’d never taken it to the gutter. Then he abandoned his own breakfast and crossed the room in two long-legged strides. He took the ornament from me and stared as if he’d never seen it before. “Damn,” he whispered. “That’s…I don’t even know what it is. Addie made this last year—it’s why Lalla isn’t on it—and I can’t imagine how I’d have ever looked at it and thought of you.”
“You don’t see the likeness?” My tone was dry, because in all honesty, there was none, and ever since Addie had coined me Uncle Rama when he’d been Charlie’s age, no other fucker in my family had called me by my actual name.
Fen fell quiet, lost in thought. I moved to take the ornament from him, but as fate was playing hardball today, naturally I missed and grabbed his wrist instead.
My fingers wrapped of their own accord around his strong forearm, but tightening my hold was a conscious choice. It had to be—it felt too good to be an accident. “For what it’s worth, I’d have called you if I’d had any clue how to find you.”
Fen smiled a soft smile that was as haunted as it was lovely. “I felt the same once I got back here and put my head back together. The irony that you were etched on that damn trinket all along is killing me.”
“Don’t die. I need you to make me those banging cups of tea.”
“Fair enough.” Fen hung the ornament back on the tree. “It must be pretty strange for you to realise I’ve been around your family this whole time and you had no idea.”
