His nearness was distracting. I wanted to stroke my fingers through his beard, cup his strong jaw in my hand and—
“Rami.”
I blinked. “Hmm?”
Fen’s brow furrowed, a tiny frown creasing his forehead. “Is there something else going on?”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know, whatever keeps making you zone out like you’ve banged your head. You’re not in trouble, are you? For taking him away from his mum?”
A bitter laugh escaped me before I could stop it. “I didn’t take Charlie. She left him with me and didn’t come back, like she’s been threatening to since he was born.”
Fen winced. “Sounds complicated. Drink the tea.”
He reached across the counter with his free hand and slid a full mug to me. Somehow, I’d missed the kettle boiling and him brewing up.
“Thanks,” I said absently as Charlie put his warm hand to my cheek. It was usually sticky with whatever yuck he’d managed to pick up since the last time I’d mauled him with a baby wipe, but under Fen’s care he was clean and dry, and my silent refusal to let them out of the house together seemed even more ridiculous. “It’s not that complicated, to be honest. Just fucking shit.”
Fen smoothed Charlie’s hair. The gesture was affectionate and kind, and for some inexplicable reason made me want to cry when I hadn’t shed a fucking tear since I was sixteen years old and my dad died of MND.
I held out my arms. Fen eased Charlie into them and pointed at his living room. “Telly is in there. Don’t ask me how to work it, though. Addie has to show me every time he’s here.”
“Addie?”
“Your other nephew. The DVDs by the wood basket are his.”
There was nothing about those words that didn’t make my head spin. Fen belonged in the world I’d left behind in Manchester, not holed up in this cosy house with my sister’s kids who I barely knew.Howwas this my life right now?
I took Charlie into the living room and tucked him up on Fen’s battered leather chesterfield. There were blankets folded on just about every available surface. I snagged one and pretended to steal Charlie’s nose from his face.
He scowled. “No.”
“No what?”
“No my nose. Is mine.”
“It’s mine now. I ate it.”
“Rama,noooo!” Charlie’s wail was loud. If I hadn’t known him better I’d have thought him upset, but he wasn’t. His dark eyes shone with laughter and he beat his tiny fists on my chest. “Nose mine.”
I gave it back to him and ruffled his hair, destroying Fen’s efforts to tame it. “You wantOctonauts?”
“Yeah!”
I found Fen’s remote and navigated his TV to the CBeebies channel. The theme song for the show that made me want to stick pins in my ears blasted out until I discovered the volume button.
By then, Fen was watching me from the doorway. “And I thought I was a relic when it came to technology.”
“Fuck off.”
He snorted. “You don’t watch your mouth in front of him?”
“Nope. I’m a terrible parent.”
“Sounds like he’s had worse.”
Sighing, I left Charlie on the couch and jerked my head at the kitchen. Fen preceded me back to the counter and opened the fridge, giving me space while I found the optimal position to watch Charlie and ogle Fen’s broad back at the same time. “Damon wasn’t a bad dad, just messed up. He was getting better in the months before he OD’d.”
