“Yeah. Can we? I want to cook spaghetti Bolognese.”
A silent sigh of relief escapes me. Slowly but surely, he’s coming back.
We tidy up and Ludo goes back to the van while I talk to the tree owner. Five minutes later we’re on our way home via the Waitrose where I last saw Michael, and I realise I never told Ludo about my abandoned tagine.
I tell him now. He stares at me a moment, as if he’s not sure if I’m taking the piss, then he bursts into laughter so infectious that I laugh too.
“I can just picture you stomping around the spice aisle, scowling at everyone, only to give the whole thing away because you’re the nicest bloke on the planet.”
“I’m not nice.” But the retort is automatic and doesn’t mean anything. Ludo sees through me. He always has.
After Waitrose—I wait outside—we drop the van back with Bernard, swing by my place to feed the cat, then head back to Ludo’s. He’s quiet and I’m slow, and I wonder if he’s had enough for one day, but the moment his front door shuts behind us, he pushes me against it.
“I want you to fuck me again.”
It’s the last thing I expected him to say. “Um... now?”
“No, not now... whenever it happens, but I need you to know that was real, okay? That it wasn’t some oversexed manic impulse. If we stick at this, I can’t promise that will never happen, but that wasn’t it.”
I can’t deny the relief that floods me. As selfish as it is, the notion that Ludo only wanted me that night because he wanted to make the whole world dance has haunted me in my weaker moments. I’ve had to stop myself jumping him, just to check he still wants me. “I knew that,” I say carefully. “Because you weren’t manic when we started this. But it feels good to have you say it. And for the record, we can do it again anytime you like.”
Ludo kisses me. It’s hot and sweet and permanent, and I know that even if we don’t have sex again anytime soon, the invisible cord between us will hold fast. He’s stronger than he’ll ever believe. He’s my harness, and I love him.
Epilogue
Aidan
Six months later...
Ludo grips the bedframe so hard I’m sure it might splinter. That is if I don’t explode into a million pieces first. He’s been riding me for what seems like hours, and I can’t fucking cope. He does things to me I can’t explain, and I’m not cut out for it. I can’t deal with the white-hot pleasure sluicing through me or how much I love him.
I screw my eyes shut, thrusting up, chasing the only thing that will end this beautiful torture.
Ludo gasps. He wavers, and I take my chance to overpower him.
I move like a snake and flip him onto his back. He laughs, but I swallow it with a kiss. I drive into him, hunched over him, worshipping him, and I don’t stop until wet warmth pulses between us, and I come like a fucking train.
My lungs burn like I’ve run a marathon. I collapse on top of him and sink a playful bite into his neck.
“Vampire.” He shoves me, but it’s half-hearted. He likes it when I cover him with my body. It grounds him and helps him feel safe, so naturally I’ll lie on him all day if that’s what he wants.
It isn’t—at least not today. It’s early in the morning and winter darkness still cloaks the house, but Ludo’s feeling good. He smiles at me, soft and beautiful, and rolls out of bed to clean up and put the kettle on.
I have become dangerously used to weekend breakfasts in bed. Bacon sandwiches, sausage butties, scrambled eggs, and thickly buttered toast—the trouble with being happy is that it might give me a heart attack. I’m not about to turn it down, though. Last week was my first go round at climbing again. I’m tired, sore, and hungry.
Ludo returns with the weird egg thing he does with the rustic bread I buy him from the Italian deli by Bernard’s office. He cuts holes in the bread and fries the egg inside it. It’s amazing and I can easily eat six of them.
“We’re going to Michael’s today,” Ludo says around a mouthful of food. “I wrapped the presents for the kids while you were in the shower last night. I forgot to tell you.’”
“You didn’t have to get his kids presents. He won’t be expecting that.”
“Yeah, but it’s Christmas next week and he’ll be expecting you to forget. That’s why I stole your debit card... so you could pay for them and not feel bad.”
I snort out a laugh. “Fair enough. How are you feeling about meeting my tiny family? Are you nervous?”
Ludo shrugs. “Um, not really. Bella’s coming, so I’ll be fine. I’m a bit embarrassed to meet Michael, though. If he works in the hospital, God knows what he’s heard about me.”
I recall the one and only conversation I’ve had with Michael about Ludo since he came through for me six months ago. “Rita told me he’s lovely. That was before she knew I was your cousin, though. Then she told me to do one and mind my own business.”“I don’t think he’s heard anything. Rita guards you like a rabid mother hen.”
