“Probably just as well.”
“If you say so. I don’t think Michael would ever judge you for being ill. You have no idea how often he stopped me smothering my dad in his sleep.”
“I can’t tell if you’re joking or not.”
“Then stop trying. All I’m saying is that Michael’s a good bloke. He’s way nicer than me.”
Ludo takes my empty plate and gives it to the cat—Marcus—who now resides in his house... with me. “I don’t believe that. You’re the nicest person I’ve ever met.”
“Only to you, mate.”
He treats me to a smouldering glare. “Liar.”
* * *
Ludo
Aidan’s family—Michael, his wife, and his super cute kids—arenicer than him, but only on the surface. I mean, they’re lovely people, but there’s no one on this planet as selfless as Aidan.
All day I watch him eat the terrible food Michael has cooked as though it’s the best thing he’s ever eaten, slip sweets to the kids under the table, and repair broken bits of the kitchen when no one’s looking, and I realise that no one sees him the way I do because he doesn’t want them to. Perhaps if I was a different man, I’d want to fix that, but I don’t, because Aidan isn’t broken, and neither am I.
In the afternoon, he takes Bella out in the garden with Michael’s son to play ball. I stay in front of the fire and play dominoes with the little girl and decide that being warm isn’t so bad after all.
Michael sits in a weathered armchair, watching me. There’s days that would bother me, but not today. Yellow and black has become a cosy shade of orange.
“You’ve changed him,” Michael says after a while.
I spare him a glance as I try to figure out how to let his daughter win our game without her noticing. “Doubt it. I don’t think it’s possible for a person to alter the fundamental make up of another.”
Michael chuckles softly. “Technically, you’re right, but you didn’t know Aidan before. I’ve never seen him so content.”
“You don’t think he’s capable of feeling that way by himself?”
“Of course I do. I’m just glad that he loves you.”
I don’t understand why Michael didn’t say that in the first place rather than coming at me with words that don’t mean anything. Aidan loves me and I love him, but that doesn’t mean we’ve healed each other. Pain is still real. Black is still black. The only difference is that we’re both still there at the end.
Still. Damn it. I hate word repetition, and my distraction lets Aidan’s niece win the game without any assistance from me. I high five her and wave as Michael takes her upstairs for a bath. It’s getting late. We should go soon, but I like being in the bosom of Aidan’s family. He belongs here, and maybe I do too.
“What are you thinking so hard about?” Aidan drops onto the floor beside me and stretches out. “Everything okay?”
“Yup. I’m thinking about families. I like yours.”
“Uh-huh. Is this a good time to talk about yours then?”
“I don’t have one.”
“Not true. You have a cousin too, and you asked me to look him up, remember?”
Of course I remember, but I’ve been hoping Aidan forgot. Tracking Angelo down seemed like a good idea for a hot minute, but then doubts set in. After all, it’s not like he’s ever come looking for me.
Aidan touches my face. “I don’t have to tell you if you don’t want me to.”
“Tell me what?”
“What I found on Facebook.”
“Tell me.”
