Jude’s expression flattened. “I bought it because I couldn’t risk someone else snapping it up and turfing me out, but the mortgage payments are pretty much ruining me. Thanks for the advice, though. If my life ever becomes someone else’s, I’ll bear it in mind.”
There was no edge to his words, only bleak resentment I’d seen in people before when they were faced with no choices.
I filed the conversation away for another time. It was getting late and I hadn’t fed my kids since breakfast.
Jude put the white snake away. Delilah shuffled up to me and tugged on my hand. “Can Jude come round for tea?”
“What?”
“Tea,” she repeated. “Mummy said I can have my friends over for tea and Jude’s my best friend ever.”
I pursed my lips, swallowing a laugh. “Erm, well that’s fine at Mummy’s house, but I don’t think Jude wants to come all the way to London for beans on toast.”
“Maybe when we live in the new house,” Tam said. “It’s only up the road.”
I stared at him. Somehow, despite almost every waking thought being occupied by Jude, it hadn’t occurred to me that the house I was so intent on living in would put me right on his doorstep. I shivered. Jesus. As if I needed another reason not to stoke the crazy-hot flame he’d lit in my belly.
Jude had his back to us, locking the white’s snake’s tank. He turned to face me slowly, a blank mask hiding his usual soulful gaze. “I was going to get a pizza and sit on the shop floor like a tramp while I do today’s books. You’re more than welcome to join me.”
He left the room before I could answer.
Thirteen
Jude
My alarm blasted into my consciousness like a fucking water cannon. I jumped awake, gasping, and silenced it with a groan. In the four days that had passed since my seizure in Isha’s car, I’d regained my equilibrium, but waking up any time before noon was still kicking my arse.
I forced myself out of bed and into the shower. When I got back, my phone was blinking with the message Shaqueela had sent me every morning since Friday.
Shaqueela:do you need me to open up?
Jude:I’m good, thanks. GO TO UNI
I set the phone down with a rueful grin. In a year’s time Shaqueela would be long gone, and I’d be lost, but until then, she was going to drive me round the bend.
Still smiling, I moved to my wardrobe to find some clean clothes. I wasn’t the most efficient housekeeper at the best of times, but being zombified from the seizure had put me behind in just about everything. The cupboards were bare. I settled for yesterday’s T-shirt and a pair of jeans so old I couldn’t remember if they were mine.
I grabbed breakfast and dashed across the road, sidestepping the deep puddles that had formed overnight, and making a note not to look out of the back door until they were gone. The tarmac at the rear of the shop was a wreck, and lacking the funds to fix it, denial was my best option.
Some things never change.
I did the rounds, checking every animal had survived the night. Isha’s favourite gecko—he’d never said, but I could tell—was still awake. I got him out of his tank and let him run up my arm and across my shoulders. His tiny claws tickled my skin and I laughed out loud. I loved all my animals, but I had a soft spot for leopard geckos. They were so frenetically ridiculous.
After treating the gecko to a couple of worms, I put him back, and took the rubbish out for collection. A pizza box in the recycling bin caught my eye, and I smiled again. I would never know what had possessed me to invite Isha and his children to eat pizza with me on the shop floor, but it had worked out kind of perfect. Despite being out of my mind with post-seizure fatigue, I hadn’t been in the mood to be alone. Isha’s kids were great company, and him? Lounging on the floor by the bearded dragon, pretending not peek at my accounts? Yeah, it was almost as hot as he’d been with my cock in his mouth.
Heat flooded me as I jammed an extra bag of crap into the already overflowing orange bin. At some point, I’d have to accept that part of our acquaintance was over, but my imagination wasn’t quite there yet. Even caught in his reluctant father facade, Isha was sexy as hell, and he was more on my mind than ever.
I dragged the bins to the roadside for collection. It had been four days since I’d last seen or heard from him. I’d thought of texting him a dozen times, but what would I say?I’m still horny as fuck for you, but feel free to bring your kids around for Chinese food and a game of snap?
Actually, that sounded like fun, but that wasn’t the point. No amount of chicken chow mein was going to distract me from how desperate I was to revisit that damn fucking hotel room. Just once. Twice, maybe. I liked spending time with Isha and his kids, but it wasn’t enough.
Not even close.
I went back inside. The shop wasn’t open for another hour, but I left the door unlocked. It wasn’t unheard of for people to swing by early to get their live food fix, and I wasn’t in a position to turn down sales.
It was a cold day. Despite wearing trousers for the first time in months, I shivered and cranked the heat up, trying not to think about the energy bill I’d get in the spring. Having so many animals with specific light and humidity requirements meant my electric was already through the roof. A humdinger gas bill could finish me off.
Still, at least I’d die warm.
