The bell on the shop door jingled. Expecting a delivery, I meandered out of the back room with half a mind on the tanks that would need fresh substrate before the day was up. The six-foot hunk of suit and shiny shoes caught me off guard.
“You’re not with your kids.”
Isha raised an eyebrow. “Do I need to be every time I see you?”
“I have no idea. I don’t make the rules.”
“What rules?”
“The rules about the tone of our friendship.” I flashed a grin that felt hollow. “I thought you only wanted to be around me with Tam and Delilah?”
“That’s not what I—” Isha shook his head. “Shit. I didn’t come here to have another complicated conversation.”
“So why did you come?”
“Lots of reasons. To say thank you for Saturday, to see how you are, and to ask how realistic it would be that Tam could look after that white snake if I bought it for him, but that one’s a lie. I don’t want the snake, and I have nowhere to keep it.”
“Her.”
“What?”
“The snake. It’s a female, not an it.”
“I know that, mate. I’m just tripping over my words because I’m trying not to admit that I took a detour past the shop for no other reason than I wanted to see you.”
The heat I’d beaten back in the bin yard came back full force. “Why?”
“Fucked if I know. It’s not like you’re ever pleased to see me.”
“That’s not true.” I opened a random box of bug gel and mechanically threw the tubs onto the already crowded shelf. “It’s not my fault I never know which Isha is going to show up. The one who sucks my cock and storms out, or the one who picks all the mushrooms off the pizza and lets his children stand on my head.”
“I did tell them not to.”
My hand grasped air. I looked down. The box was empty, and something inside me snapped. I spun to face him. “What are you doing here, Isha?”
“I—” Isha stopped, and pursed his lips. Heavy silence pulsed between us before he spread his hands in surrender. “I don’t know, okay? Are you happy now? I came up from the city for a meeting with the architect and the council that got cancelled yesterday. There’s no reason for me to be here, and yet here I am, making an arse of myself again. I’m gonna go—”
“Don’t.”
“What?”
I crossed the shop in two strides, catching both his hands in mine before I could check myself. “Don’t go. Not like this. I’m sorry…it’s—fuck, I don’t know. You confuse me. I thought we’d figured out you were going to bring the kids by from time to time and that was it. I wasn’t expecting to see you again…like this.”
I dropped his hands.
Isha leaned back and closed his eyes for a drawn out heartbeat. When he opened them again, they were as conflicted as I’d ever seen them. “I already told you I didn’t mean to come here, and I’m sorry I’m giving you mixed messages, I just—I can’t stop thinking about you, Jude. You drive me goddamn crazy.”
My heart leapt, but I stomped it down.You can’t have both, remember?And I recalled too vividly the joy in Delilah’s face every time she saw my blue-eyed girl to give it up. “You said you couldn’t have your kids around someone you’re fucking.”
“We’re not fucking.”
I stepped into Isha’s personal space. He sucked in a breath, and his throat constricted as he swallowed. “We’re not fucking right now, but what do you think the chances are of that changing if we spent a protracted amount of time alone? You drive me crazy because I want you to fuck me every which way possible, and I want to be the nice bloke who helps your kids learn about responsible reptile keeping. If you can’t separate the two, that’s your problem.”
My chest tightened. I backed off as Isha’s gaze drilled into me, desperate for his response, all the while terrified of what he might say. How the fuck had my life become so complicated? Before him, sporadic Grindr hook ups had kept me sweet as I’d drowned in eighteen hour days and never-ending bills. Now I could barely breathe with him so close, and I was torn between wanting to rip his clothes off, and punching him in the face.
“Jude.”
“What?”
