“Not necessarily, but councils are less likely to build social housing in village locations, particularly affluent ones, which means only rich people get to breathe clean air.”
“You’re rich and you live in Tottenham.”
Dom’s smile turned distant. “For now.”
We got back in the car and drove on, my grip on the steering wheel tightening as the scenery got steadily less urban. In reality, we weren’t that close to Rae’s camp, but I saw him everywhere. The woods in the distance seemed to call my name, and the nausea I’d carried for weeks increased until Dom tapped my shoulder and pointed to a village shop.
“Pull over.”
I obeyed. He got out and jogged into the shop while I zoned out. I jumped a mile when he came back with bottle of Pepsi and a doughnut.
“I don’t know what the fuck is going on with you at the moment, but if I didn’t know better I’d think you were using or some shit.”
“What makes you think you do know better?”
“Lucky told me about the fox hunting.”
“So you do know what the fuck is going on with me.”
It wasn’t a question, but Dom nodded anyway. “He told me last night because he was worried about you. At first, I figured you’d be best left alone, but you’re festering, mate. I can see it.”
Good for him. I turned my gaze back to the road, but Dom’s car was swanky enough that it pretty much drove itself, so it didn’t hold my attention for long. Dom’s intuitive silence needled me, and I sighed like the world was about to end. “Iamfestering.”
“Why? Because you miss it? Or because you feel guilty for walking away?”
“The second one…I mean, I miss some aspects of it, but I can do without seeing animals die every weekend.”
Dom winced. “I can’t even imagine that. Hunting isn’t something I’ve ever thought about, but the online stuff Lucky showed me was horrific.”
I gave him a heavy side eye. “What the hell did he show you?”
“Rae’s blog.”
The sugar in the doughnut I’d forced down hit my bloodstream with added kick from the Pepsi. I shivered, despite the NASA-grade heating system keeping out the winter chill. “How did he find that?”
Dom shrugged. “I’d imagine he listened when Rae told him who he was and looked it up. He likes Rae, we both do.”
I’d forgotten Dom had even met him, so infrequent was Rae’s physical presence in my life in comparison with the monopoly he had on my thoughts. “I like him too.”
“Is that what’s making this so hard for you? That you don’t want to disappoint him by keeping your distance from that part of his life?”
“Too late for that. I already shat on his bonfire.”
Dom whistled. “Nice imagery.”
“Thanks.” I exited the A-road and made for the village Dom had directed me to. “And you’re wrong about it being just a part of his life. It’s more than that…you don’t dip in and out of it—you can’t—it’s everything or nothing, and I can’t handle that anymore.”
“Why not?”
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him. To take a breath and let it all out, but Rae’s face flashed into my mind at the very last second, bringing with it the cold hard truth that it wasn’t Dom who needed to hear my story. I swallowed. “Not today, man. Not today.”
Dom let it go with another twitch of his perfect, thick brows, but his obvious curiosity got under my skin. I drove to the village site he wanted to look at and stayed in the car while he scouted it out. My fingers itched to call or text Rae, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. What would I say?Sorry I let you down, but you always knew I would, right?
Wrong, because even through the haze of self-indulgent sulking, I could see the constant conflicting messages I’d chucked Rae’s way. I’d said no from the start and yet still shown up in his world, time and time again, offering something different. Worse, I’d fucked him, then told him I couldn’t be in his life. God, I was a dick.
Dom slid back into the car, his previous searching stare replaced by a pondering frown.
I made an effort to decipher it. “Any good?”
