Nicholas scowled at him. He knew asking Rauf to see to things again was a mistake. First of all, Rauf couldn’t read. After that, there really didn’t need to be another reason.
“If I do not want to sit in a chair reading to myself all the letters I get,” Nicholas asked him matter-of-factly, “what makes you think I want to sit reading them all to you?”
Rauf stared at him, blissfully unashamed of his inability to read. “What are we to do aboot it then?”
Nicholas handed Julianna the letter and asked her to please finish reading it.
She obliged happily. “There will be a gathering of the bishop’s closest friends and advisors from Northumberland who show support for the bishop’s peace talks with the Bruce,” she read. After skimming the rest and deeming it unimportant, she handed the parchment back to Nicholas.
“Are you a close friend of the bishop?” Julianna asked him.
“I was. I was hoping he had forgotten me.”
She tossed him a wide, curious smile that made him want to smile, too—or kiss the hell out of her again. “Why do you look as if you would rather be bitten by a swarm of ants than have him here?”
“Because I would rather that.” He wasn’t used to sitting with nobles—but she was. “’Tis not him. ’Tis his friends I cannot tolerate.” He looked miserable for a moment then looked at her. “Sit with me when he comes.”
“What?”
Aye, what? What was he doing returning to the past with her? He’d just returned from Berwick to rid himself of her and here he was kissing her! Hell, letting himself remember how much he loved her. She loved him? He had suspected it at times. After all, they’d grown up best friends. But he never imagined that she loved him the way he loved her. Shestillloved him? How? Had she loved him so much that she continued throughout her marriage? It was almost too much to take in. He was aware of how much he’d wanted to hear her confession.
But it couldn’t matter. He didn’t want to love her. Loving her would break him to pieces. Love tempted and teased with the promise of exhilaration, but it only always delivered pain. “Sit with me and perhaps let me kiss you at the end of the night.”
He was a mad fool, but when she nodded her head, he felt the sun on his face again, and the hope that, as Simon had said, they were being given a chance to set things right.
What would it cost him?
Chapter Eleven
After breakfast, Juliannasat in Margaret the seamstress’ chamber and finished looking through Aleysia d’Argentan’s gowns. Margaret had kept them just in case the previous lady of the castle ever found use for them again and sent for them.
There were chests filled with Mattie’s clothes, but Julianna did not touch those. Save them for Elias when he found a wife.
“I like this one against your skin.” Margaret held up an emerald green gown with short sleeves and a lilac kirtle underneath.
“You do not think I will be too cold in short sleeves?”
“No, dear,” Margaret replied with a pin between her teeth and a spool of emerald thread clutched in her long, thin fingers. “The gown is velvet. ’Twas made for the winter. Now, I just need you to try it on so I can mark the adjustments. You are a wisp of a thing.”
Julianna did as Margaret bid and slipped into the gown. It felt like a luxurious piece of second skin, even in the places that were too big, like the bosom and the buns.
“I will have to bring it up some,” the seamstress said as she began marking the alterations. “You are a bit shorter than Aleysia.”
Julianna wondered if Margaret addressed Miss d’Argentan so informally in her presence. She wondered how her maids or house workers in Berwick had spoken of her when she wasn’t there. She hoped kindly.
“Also, I need to take in the waist some and shorten the arms.”
Julianna nodded and looked at Elias in a cushioned chair in Margaret’s sewing chamber. He was playing with a ball and cup toy. As if sensing her, he looked up and smiled at her.
She knew it wasn’t sensible for a governess to love her charge, and certainly not so quickly. But she loved Elias. He had no mother and she wanted to take the role.
First, she had to win his father.
She looked down at herself and smiled a little. She thought of his kiss in the hall and touched her fingers to her lips. Oh, it had been heaven! Pure bliss in a set of full, tantalizing lips. It changed everything and made it perfectly clear that she wanted a life with him. When he’d asked if he could kiss her at the end of the night, she couldn’t say aye fast enough. But then he’d left her without even a good eve. And he missed kissing his son goodnight, as well.
“Oh,” Margaret said wistfully, “how nice it must be to sit among such important men like the bishop and his friends.”
“’Tis not as pleasant as you might think,” Julianna told her.
