You won't give up like this. Can we bet that you finish the session?Think, Isabel, think. What could motivate him? Oh, I know.
"Then, it will mean that it no longer makes sense to fight. I’ll love our son for you, too," I shout, heading to the chair.
"What?" From the mirrors, I can see the astonishment on his face. I pretend not to hear him as I take the bag. He approaches slowly.
"Isabel, wait," he begs me, but I must not give up.This time, I lead the game.
"No, Nate, I'm done. I no longer have the strength to fight a losing battle."
He’s so focused on me that he goes down the path again.
"Izy...”
I’ve missed hearing him call me that. My eyes are in tears and my hand is on the doorknob, but I don't look at him. I can't be seen like that. "You just have to get yourself focused on something else. Use it as a trick to continue. Bye, Nate."
I open the door and leave the room. As soon as it closes, I lean against the wall, crying. I was cruel, and I hate myself for doing it, but perhaps I’ll never be enough for Nathan if fighting for us is not enough.
When he comes back to his room, I stay away, though I keep an eye on him even if being away from him hurts me. Even if he didn't speak to me, at least I was close to him. When he falls asleep, I go into the room and am with him, but I leave when he starts to wake up. This situation tears me apart.
During the last few physiotherapy sessions, Nathan walks almost perfectly, and I’m so proud of my husband. I notice that he often looks toward the door. I hope Nate is looking for me, but I begin to believe that it’s not so. He has moved away from that fairy tale that I imagined. Perhaps the happy ending wasn’t written for me.
"Hey, Isabel."
"Hi, Chris."
"Why don't you go to him?"
"It's a long story," I reply with a sigh, but the coffee he's drinking makes me nauseous, and I go to the bathroom. When I came back, he’s still there—without the coffee, thank God.
"How long have you been like this?"
"Between tiredness, stress, and worry, I couldn't answer you. The days passed quickly."
"Come with me."
"No, Chris, I have to be with Nathan."
"It’ll take two minutes, and then you’ll be free."
"Okay," I say as I follow him. We go into a clinic, and I see Chris taking a needle and a vial."
"What are you doing?"
"A simple blood test, a couple of days, and you’ll have the results. Trust me."
It’s quick and painless. I didn't even realize it.
"That's it. Go to him. And take this." He gives me a box of vitamins. "One per day, eat and sleep. You'll need it."
I look at him, puzzled, as he smiles at me. "Thanks, Chris," I say and return to Nathan, who has fallen asleep.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Nate
Imiss her. It will take me a lifetime to thank Izy for all her support and help during this shitty time. Even though I tried to get her away from me, she stayed.
I ruined all. Isabel said she’s pregnant, and then she left. I haven't been able to see her. It has been three days, and I keep hoping to see her come through that door. She doesn't even answer my calls. She’s gone. I lost her. And now I find myself alone again. I need to have her back with me. Without her, my life no longer makes sense. She’s the light in this nightmare called life.
