I start to cry, and I know she's right, I know. But I can't make Isabel stay with me out of pity. She doesn't deserve that.
"What do you want from me? Leave me alone!" I yell, covering my eyes with my arm. Tears threaten to come out, and I don't want to be seen crying.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Isabel
Itry to calm down and be rational. Nate can't call off our wedding. He can't believe I’d leave him.What's your game, Nathan? I don't believe you’ve faked it so far. What was between us was real. What has changed?
Returning to his room, I find him sleeping. I get back in the chair and wait.
"I'm not leaving, love. No matter how hard you try to get away, I won't give up."
Although he insists on pretending that I don't exist, and days go by, I don't care how he treats me.Together until the end.
The physiotherapist shows me the massages he has to do every day to help his muscles. Physiotherapy will be prolonged, but with commitment and perseverance, everything will be fine. Having sensitivity in the legs is a good sign, even if Nate underestimates it.
I feel him trying to get up, and I stand from my chair.
"What's up?"
"My leg, it hurts,” he says, trying to sit up. I uncover his leg and give him a massage as the muscle slowly relaxes. I feel Nathan's eyes staring at me, but I don't dare look at him. If I do, I'll burst into tears, and I have to be strong for both of us. When he relaxes completely, he thanks me. I go back to my chair in silence and open the computer to work—or at least I try.
The first real physiotherapy session is a disaster. Nathan is angry and doesn’t let anyone get near him. He’d like to do everything himself. He’s stubborn and doesn’t listen to what is said to him.
He can move his legs but putting weight on them makes him unstable, which is normal. However, he gets angry and gives up. It pisses me off because I know he's not one to give up, that he'll do anything to get anything done.
After a few sessions, he’s in a terrible mood and starts to rant at the nurses.
According to the doctor, night cramps are to be expected, and I always try to give him massages before he falls asleep, so maybe the cramps won't wake him up. Despite some sporadic episodes, it seems that massages help him avoid cramps.
He tries to avoid me and doesn't even talk to me, at least if he doesn't have to. The situation makes me feel bad. Between the tiredness and the fact that whatever I try to eat, I throw up, I’m about to reach the limit. I’m exhausted. However, I’m proud of the small improvements he makes every day, which makes me fight even more for him and us. Because even if he wants to end it, I’d like to know if he has only been deceiving me or if his feelings were real. I can't give up.
Today is a strange day, and he’s in a nasty mood. This session is endless, and his complaints make me lose patience. He looks like a child trying to find excuses to not do something. I stand in front of him even though the nurses protest.
"Isabel, go away." Oh, look, he’s talking to me.
"No."
"Go away. I don't want you here. I don't want you in my life." His words are as sharp as a knife.
"Too bad, I'm not moving. What is it? Are you afraid to discover that at the bottom of your heart, you may feel a crumb of love for me?"
He manages to take a step and doesn't even realize it, as he’s too busy arguing. "Why don't you give up on me?"
"Because I love you, and if you stopped fighting me, you’d be able to realize that together we can overcome everything, dammit."
"Isabel, stop it!" he yells at me, attracting everyone's attention. In the meantime, he has taken another step.Oh well, I found a lever.
"You're just a spoiled and selfish child!"
"How dare you judge me?" He takes another step, and I back away.
"If only you weren't so dull, you’d understand how much I really love you. You’d understand that I don't want to live without you. Do you want me out of your life, Nathan? Are you sure this is what you really want?"
"Yes, Isabel,” he says, resigned, as he signals the nurse to help him, but I stop them.
Nate arrives at the end of the path, and I head to the other side. He no longer wants to continue.
