“No. I thought he was hot, though.”
“That’s it?”
“Well, Pax was there next to him. I knew logically that Pax was also hot, but I wasn’t interested in him, just your dad,” Shay said and shrugged. “People warned me that Ford wouldn’t stick around. He just wanted to sample my sexual attributes. I kinda believed them, but I still wanted to spend time with Ford. I couldn’t be sensible with him.”
“Because he was special?”
“Yeah,” Shay said and smiled. “I hadn’t wanted trouble when I moved to Little Memphis. I was looking for a normal life. But here was this sexy, dangerous asshole who would likely ditch me when things got too serious. Ford felt like a mistake, but I wanted him, and I didn’t want anyone else.”
“Was Dad a scary guy?”
“Oh, yeah.”
“Was he a manwhore?”
Shay gestured for me to walk with her to the family room. “Of course. You know how club sluts are, and your dad is handsome. He never had to go without.”
“Did he sleep with these other women once he met you?”
“No.”
“Why would he be loyal?”
“Because I was special.”
“Why?”
Settling on the couch, Shay frowned. “Are you saying I’m not a good catch?”
“Of course not. I’m trying to understand the reason Dad was your guy, and you were worth giving up all other pussy. Or why Clint fell so fast for Ivy?”
“People just click. It’s not a math problem to be solved. It’s just one of life’s mysteries.”
Sighing, I didn’t know what I wanted my mom to say. When I thought about Zodiac, my feelings never made sense. I wanted him, but I also feared him. He chased me rather than any other fox.Did that make me special?Or was he trying to mess with Clint? Was his interest only about me being Ford’s daughter?
“You’ve been quiet about Zodiac for months,” Shay said and took my hand. “I thought you didn’t like him and were upset to know he fathered your baby. But now, with these questions, I’m thinking you’ve hidden your feelings from me.”
“I don’t know how I should feel. I like my life. I don’t want anything to change. I know they will because of the baby, but I’ve given up things for Sutter. Doing it for my kid feels right. I’m not interested in giving up anything for a man.”
“But?”
“Zodiac has always made me feel weird inside. I get nervous and excited. I want to see him, but I also dread when I know he’ll be around. I want him to want me, even while knowing his feelings are superficial.”
“Have you ever shared a real conversation with him?”
“No, of course not. He’s so sexually aggressive. It’s all about claiming me in a gross man way. What can I say in the face of that?”
Shay didn’t hide her horror. “Maybe heisn’tright for you.”
“I know he isn’t. But a part of me wants him to act like Clint did with Ivy or Exile did with Lula. Just show up and claim me. But what good would come out of him acting that way? I don’t want to live in Baton Rouge.”
“Yeah, no one wants that,” Shay said, refusing to disguise her disgust. “You belong here with your family.”
“Exactly. And Zodiac doesn’t want to be a dad.”
“Did he say that?”
“No, he acted like it was a good thing and also that he owned me.”
