‘How are you and Lewis doing, anyway?’
‘As if I would have stayed with him after him being unfaithful. Come on, Annalize, give me some credit.’
‘That is so sad to hear. He loves you, Gracie, and you him. I can’t believe you’ve wasted everything good that you could have together. That whole night, it was me, not him. I was drunk. I came on to him. If I’m honest, I guess I was jealous of what you had with him. Something I’ve never had. See, I’m wicked. I deserved to have lost that baby of mine.’
Gracie shook her head. ‘Nobody deserves that, Annalize, not even you.’
Annalize drained her glass. ‘Do you hate me, Gracie?’
‘Hate is a very strong word.’ Maya swept by to pick up the empty glasses and gave Gracie a supportive smile. ‘Iamvery sorry for your loss, Annalize. I can’t say you will ever be my friend again, but I now run a club called Miscarriage Matters.’ Gracie took a flyer out of her bag. ‘The door is always open there, Annalize.’
Annalize replied quietly, ‘Thank you.’ She got up. ‘There is nothing more I can say, but I’m truly sorry. Goodbye, Gracie.’
‘Goodbye, Annalize.’
SEVENTY
Maya put on shorts and a little flowery top. She applied her make-up carefully and put gel through her blonde spiky hair. As usual, the professor was on time.
He seemed preoccupied when he arrived, edgier than usual. His smile was weak.
‘Shall we?’ He beckoned her to follow him down the front steps.
Maya felt uneasy. She sensed something was wrong. Even the warm summer’s evening couldn’t melt the cold atmosphere that she felt between them. They reached the park close to her house and found a quiet place to sit on the grass.
Scott couldn’t even look at Maya; he took her hand and gently rubbed her palm with his fingers.
‘My wife had an accident.’ Maya said nothing. ‘She has been in a coma. The prognosis is good, but she is going to need a lot of care and rehabilitation.’
‘Now I understand your silence.’ Maya felt herself welling up.
‘Yes.’ He let go of her hand and starting picking randomly at blades of grass. ‘I do love you, Maya.’ Maya felt like every breath was being sucked out of her body. She gulped. ‘But…’ A lone tear ran down the young woman’s cheek. ‘Just say it and get it over with, I’m not a little girl, Professor.’
Scott put his hand to his heart. ‘I know you’re not. You’re a clever, quick-witted, desirable woman who deserves more than anything I can offer you. But when I saw Cynthia lying there, it was a wake-up call. I’m the one who needs to grow up and stop playing with people’s emotions. I can’t leave her, Maya. I’m so sorry.’
‘Then why say what you said? Fill me with hope when you know that I love you?’ Maya spat.
Scott blew out a big breath. ‘I was blown away by you, flattered by the fact you do love me and, well, maybe if the accident hadn’t happened then... Oh, I don’t know, Maya but what I do know is the last thing I wanted to do was hurt you.’
‘What we felt together that night was not an illusion. I can tell you love me, too.’
Scott ruffled his hair with his hands. ‘I do love you, but there are many aspects of love and I have to listen to my head for once and not just my loins.’
‘I think you might be making a big mistake,’ Maya blasted.
Scott’s voice remained level. ‘Maybe I am, but I owe it to my family to try and do the best by them.’
Maya couldn’t stop her tears. ‘I can’t not see you again. I simply couldn’t bear it.’
‘It has to be this way, Maya, it’s not fair on anyone otherwise. You will get over me. I can’t see what you see in an obnoxious old fool like me, anyway. Look at you. You are beautiful, you will find somebody else much worthier of your love straight away.’
Maya sobbed. ‘But I want you. I love you, Professor.’
‘And in twenty years’ time, would you? Would you really? When I’m in my sixties and you are still a vibrant fortysomething. Come on, we need to be realistic.’
‘My heart chose you, not my bloody birth certificate. Age is just a number. I know what I feel.’
‘Oh, Maya. I don’t want more children either. I’m certain about that.’
