‘No, I don’t need sympathy. I’m not even sure what I feel. I was so adamant I didn’t want this baby and now I know I’m not having it… well…’ She began to cry. ‘I feel kind of empty. It was almost as if my body knew that I wanted to get rid of it. Do you think a body is that clever?’
‘No. I think if a baby wants to hang on in there then it will regardless of what you throw at it. But don’t feel guilty, Lana.’ Gracie put her hand gently on the girl’s hand.
‘I feel more guilty that you went through the same thing, but you wanted to have them, and I’m talking to you about it.’
‘That’s why I’m here.’ Gracie handed her a tissue. ‘And I’m very flattered that you came back to me.’
‘I feel like I can tell you anything. More than I can tell my mum.’ Gracie realised that at thirty-eight she was old enough to be this girl’s mother. ‘You were so kind to me before. You really made me sit up and think. To be honest, I had arranged to have an abortion. My friend was taking me next week actually. I also feel guilty that I had such terrible thoughts.’
‘Lana, you were justified to. You have your whole life ahead of you now. It’s just a lesson in life. From now on, protect yourself until you’re ready. OK?’
Lana nodded. ‘And getting my education is so important to me. I want to be with someone I love when I have children, too, in the right situation.’
‘Go to university, have the time of your life.’ Gracie smiled. ‘The memory of this will fade. Did you go to the doctor after it had happened?’
‘Yes, he checked me over and everything appears to be back to normal.’
‘Good, that’s a relief.’ Gracie smiled warmly.
‘I’d better go.’ Lana stood up. ‘But thank you. Thank you so much for listening. You really did help me before and now. You’d have made a great mum, you know.’
As Gracie waved her off she felt a bolt of sadness. People telling her she’d make a great mum burnt like a red hot poker straight into her heart. She then thought of Lana saying that she found her easier to talk to than her mum. Maybe, just maybe she had found her calling, just in a different way than she had ever planned.
FIFTY
Ed was tooting a horn outside as Gracie charged around throwing last-minute things into her bag. This was the first time she had been away with a man for ages and she couldn’t help feeling a bit nervous.
‘Calm down, little sis.’ Noms threw her a bottle of water out of the fridge. ‘Enjoy it. A week away by the sea with shaggin’ aplenty on offer. What’s not to like?’
‘What’s shagging?’ Jack piped up.
Noms and Gracie cringed and ignored him. Ed knocked on the door impatiently.
She flung it open and grinned broadly. ‘I’m ready, sorry.’
‘Wow.’ Gracie was wide-eyed. ‘This is cool.’
The luxury apartment was right on the Fowey quayside with a magnificent sea view from every room and a large balcony. Seagulls shouted their approval of the sunny evening.
Gracie ran around checking over the apartment before, finally, jumping on the bed. ‘This is so comfy. You’re going to be in trouble, young man.’
Ed laughed. ‘Let’s hope so.’
Gracie made her way to the bathroom. ‘I need to get freshened up after that journey. Shall we go out for dinner then? I’m starving.’
‘Actually, I’ve arranged to meet a surfing mate of mine, to discuss tactics.’
‘Oh, you never said.’ Gracie hoped her disappointment didn’t show in her voice.
‘I won’t be long. You get yourself bathed and I’ll meet you in The Galleon, just over there. Say nine?’ He pointed to the pub from the balcony.
Soon after, Gracie lay back in the soothing bubbles. She was happy to be away but she was slightly perturbed that Ed hadn’t mentioned anything about meeting his mates on their break. It was hard not to feel disappointed. She’d imagined them arriving, settling in and then, perhaps, having a quick bit of fun before a candlelit dinner.
She made the most of the wonderful bathroom and poured herself a glass of wine from the bottle left as a welcome, taking it out to the balcony. The view – busy with yachts, rowers and water taxis – was magnificent. By the time nine o’clock came, she felt a bit squiffy. She put on her favourite summer dress and wedges and made her way to the pub.
Inside she looked around, but Ed was nowhere to be seen. She rang him. No answer. She ordered herself a glass of wine and texted him from a seat in the beer garden. A guy in his twenties smiled at her. ‘The signal is pretty shit down in these parts, you’re sometimes better off with smoke signals.’
Despite the beautiful sunset, by nine forty-five she could feel a slight anger rising. The signal may be bad but Ed knew where she was. Just as she was about to march back to the apartment, he appeared chatting to a guy with shoulder-length hair and two really pretty women, one blonde, one dark, who both looked in their mid-twenties.
