‘Because I can’t have children. I don’t need a mate – I need a lover and a partner who is going to want to be with just me. No family required. It’s almost liberating because I don’t have to follow the traditional route that people go through. I can go for any age, a free spirit, poor or rich.’
‘But surely you could fall in love with any of those people, regardless of whether you can have children or not. Lgracove decides, not you, Gracie.’
‘But we make choices to cement our paths, surely?’
‘Yes, of course, but if you open up your heart you could fall in love with anybody. But what you are saying is brilliant. You have no constrictions now. You can fall in love with anyone you want. The romantic in me says that should be the case anyway. Look around you, Gracie, the world isn’t full of perfection. There are not many perfect relationships. Kids or no kids. Everybody has their own story to tell.’
‘I guess the reason I’m being non-committal at the moment about Ed is that he is just thirty-two. As much as he says he hasn’t even thought about kids yet, I’m sure he will and then I’ll be cast aside.’
‘Not if he thinks about adopting them with you. You’re a great girl. You’re fun, you’re pretty. Love outweighs a lot of things. Ed would be a fool not to keep you very close.’
‘That’s so sweet of you to say. We’re going on holiday to Cornwall soon, I’m really excited.’
‘Well, that’s commitment right there. But Gracie, please do pitch your self-esteem higher from now on. Believe you are amazing, because you are. And if Ed’s urge to have children is stronger than his feelings for you, well, it’ll be his loss.’ He cleared his throat. ‘It’s time for my next client, I’m afraid.’
Gracie sat on the edge of the chaise.
‘Thank you for today. I know everything will be all right. It has to be.’
‘We don’t know that but everything will be as it will be. You’re doing well. Look how far you’ve come. You’ve got a job you love, where you are helping people and helping yourself, and a new man to boot.’
‘I know. I just need to find some peace within.’
‘Just keep working on you and you will. And just text me if you want another session – you know where I am.’ Scott shuffled some papers on his desk. ‘I meant to ask, have you seen your friend lately? You know, Maya, the girl you were exercising with?’
‘Actually, not for a while, I’ve been so busy with the new venture. Why do you ask?’ Gracie looked at him quizzically.
‘Oh, she seemed like she was good for you.’
Gracie laughed. ‘Yes. Maybe not such a good moral influence, but I really must call her.’
‘You do that.’
When they’d said goodbye, Scott sat back at his desk. Four long weeks since he’d been able to get hold of Maya. Four long weeks to realise it wasn’t actually the sex he was missing – it was her.
FORTY-NINE
Another Wednesday, another successful Miscarriage Matters. Gracie was just clearing away the empty tea and coffee cups when she heard a knock at the hut door.
‘Oh, sorry, I didn’t realise you would have finished up this early.’ It was the young girl she had met on the launch day.
‘Hello. Lana, isn’t it? Come on in, it’s fine. I’m just clearing up.’
‘I had a miscarriage,’ the girl said, devoid of all emotion. Her ponytailed hair and knee-length floral dress made her look even younger than her seventeen years.
‘Oh, darling. Sit down.’ Gracie ushered her to one of the round tables and chairs. ‘Tea?’
‘No, no. I don’t want to keep you.’
‘It’s fine. Let me put the kettle on.’
Gracie left her for a moment then came back and put the hot steaming tea in front of her.
‘Sugar?’
‘I’d like to say I’m sweet enough but that’s obviously not the case.’ The young girl weakly smiled. ‘I’ve been drinking, smoking, praying I’d lose this baby. I couldn’t tell my mum, even though you suggested it. And then last week, there were spots of blood and then the most terrible pain I’ve ever experienced. It made me scream. I’ve never seen so much blood. It was awful.’
Gracie knew that pain all too well. ‘You poor thing.’
