‘Oh, for there to be a textbook of how life should really go, eh, Gracie?’ Scott sighed.
‘I know. It’s so depressing. I ran. Ran as fast as I could. And fell over.’
‘You ran?’
‘Yes.’
‘What were you running from, though, Gracie?’
‘The situation, my feelings, I guess. I went to tell him about the IVF being paid off. I wasn’t going to be cross. I wanted it to be nice, to say goodbye, hold my head up and walk away. But I thought about him with the woman he slept with and I felt so hurt again that I just couldn’t stop myself. Why couldn’t I just hold my head up high? Walk away with respect, instead of going on like some mad fishwife?’
‘There are no rights or wrongs, Gracie. We would all love to be able to deal with situations in the “correct way” but when strong feelings are involved that’s not always easy. I think it’s good to show the emotion. Hold it in and it manifests itself in other ways, not always good ones.’
‘He was being really caring about the babies. I couldn’t cope. I wanted him to have been like that when it happened.’
‘What couldn’t you cope with?’
‘Him expressing his emotions to me, I guess. Knowing that because he cheated I can’t cave in. It’s too little, too late, though. And although he is the person closest to me, and he went through it with me, it feels he’s now the furthest away.’
‘Was there not one part of you that wanted to say yes to his proposal, Gracie?’ Scott probed.
Gracie turned her head to the wall.
‘It wouldn’t be right. Not after what’s happened.’ Scott didn’t push as Gracie continued. ‘I haven’t seen or heard from him for ages now. He turned up at the event hut and saw me with Ed, and he stropped off. He’s such a proud man, I know that that’s it for us now.’
‘What, he ran off just like you did in the high street?’
‘Yes, closure.’
‘And are you glad of that… that closure?’
‘In a way, yes. It’s been months now since his indiscretion. We both need to move on. I’ve moved on. I’m seeing Ed, aren’t I?’
‘Do you see you and Ed as a long-term relationship, then?’
‘Initially I did but, as time is moving on, I don’t know. He is lovely and does seem to care genuinely for me. And we go to nice restaurants, have great sex and we do laugh.’
‘What is the but?’ Scott paused. ‘Do you love him?’
‘I love being with him and, for now, that’s enough for me.’
‘Are you sure?’
Gracie tutted. ‘Professor Princeton, I don’t know. I feel confused again, now. Too many bloody questions.’
Scott suppressed a smile. ‘That is kind of what you pay me for.’
Gracie harrumphed. ‘I haven’t been with him long enough. And to be really honest I’m frightened of getting hurt again. Ed gives me fun company, good sex and I don’t feel alone. Isn’t that the basis of a good relationship, anyway? It’s all a bit different from with Lewis, though.’
‘Why’s that?’
‘Because Lewis was my mate, my baby maker.’
‘And you were in love with him?’
‘Oh God, yes, you know that, but now I have to think differently about men and the relationships I have.’
‘Why?’
